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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Be more like Jesus

I know I look hot. It's a pale pink, flowered, boobed tubed, A line dress that hits just above my knees. My shoes are new dollhouses. Studded and zippered to contrast the ultra girly dress. My hair is a curly bun, and my makeup is as always on point, my signature smoky cat eyes and pale pink lips.

I give myself a once over and walk into the church, it's my friend sister's wedding and I'm like 20 mins late. So as I hurry to my assigned seat, my heels pitter patter on the floor (as heels are known to do) and this causes the whole church's attention to shift to me. Well, being no stranger to attention, I shift my hurried walk into a catwalk. Feeling very cool with myself.

Next thing I know an usher walks up to me. She's 24ish, wearing a pale grey suit two sizes too big and shoes that look like clogs. Brown powder 5 shades too light and ugly plastic ear rings. I beam my best smile at her and whisper "I know where my seat is." Imagine my surprise as she grabs my arm and says rather harshly "Abeg let's go outside, I want to talk to you about something"

I stare in amazement at the crusty nails grabbing my arm. My friend gives me a look like "What is going?" I reply with what is now known as the 'Kanye shrug'. I walk outside with this girl and say "What's up?" Silently hoping she wants me to give her a makeover. As I silently decide what eye shadow would look good on her, out of her too-bright-for-her-complexion-red-lipsticked mouth comes this "We can see your bobbie (breasts), your dress is too short, your shoe too high, you cannot enter this church. You want to come and distract our pastor and brothers?"

I stare in surprise, mouth slightly ajar as she walks away and shuts the door behind her.
As a true naija girl, I walk away head held high and drive to the nearest beer and peppersoup joint awaiting the close of the ceremony and to contemplate the stupidity of this scenario.
As a church, isn't your place to show us the error of our ways as "sinners"? Isn't it your place to take us in and try to make us sin no more? Do you know how empty the bible would be if Jesus had only saved seemingly decent people?

“On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 13But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mathew 9: 12-13
"I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I’" Isaiah 65:1

Wouldn't it have been better if after church she walked up to me and tried to preach to me and then explain that if I wanted to come next time, I had to maintain a certain decorum? People like her and whoever invented that rule fail as Christians.

Imagine if I went and bad mouthed the church to all my friends, facebook, twitter, blogsville e.t.c Not just the church, but Christ would lose a lot of potential followers. She would have single handedly gone to hell for the loss of my soul and the thousands of people I would have told who would have decided that Christianity was too much of a hassle.

Now some of you are going to say "Did you not know you were going to church, why did you dress like that?" Imagine if I was a hooker and all my clothes were mini skirts and striper boots. Somehow suddenly I decide to give my life to Christ and your church is the closest to me. I wear my usual clothes that I feel good in after all, the bible or so says “It's what's in my heart that matters” and then I receive treatment like that. Raise your hand if you think I will try another church for a long ass time, if at all.

Anyhow who are you to turn “sinners” away? It’s like a hospitals turning people away for being too sick. If your Jesus, your Messiah, the one who you are supposed to be so much like didn’t turn “sinners” away but went and sought them, Who the Fuck are you?

Ok Also this is unrelated but since am talking about church. It can be argued that God hated sinners. And if God hates sinners and Jesus wants them, doesn’t that kinda trump your God & Jesus the same argument? Or did God have MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) and that’s why he created Jesus to be his alter ego? (waits for thunder to strike…. Ok we’re good)

Here are some examples:
Psalm 5:5 says “The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers.”
 Psalm 11:5 says “The LORD tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.”
 Jeremiah 12:8 says “My heritage has become to me like a lion in the forest; she has lifted up her voice against me; therefore I hate her.”
Hosea 9:15 he says, “Every evil of theirs is in Gilgal; there I began to hate them.”
Psalm 119:119 All the wicked of the earth you discard like dross; therefore I love your statutes.

And of course there is the simple but powerful:
Romans 9:13  “As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”"

Yet we flinch from ascribing such an emotion to God? Why is this? Is it not enough to see the Scriptures clearly showing God hating sin and sinners to accept that this is true?

Ok, Am done.

Vanity XX


Realist said...

I am always looking for something good to look at during church so I disapprove of the Usher's But seriously, Christians get this holier than thou attitude sometimes and forget what actually their purpose on earth is for "Save Souls".

Nice one tho

Azazel said...

A church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints

john said...

God never said he hate sinners he said he hate sin....if he hate sinner which are the people why will he send is son Jesus Christ to die for the sinners he said he never delight in the death of sinner and there is always a great celebration in heaven over a soul that how does he hate sinners?

john said...


El-Divine said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
El-Divine said...

okay, yall r prolly gonna chew my ass but seriously, the only thing the usher did wrong was not being tactful, esp since its a wedding. Putting someone for wearing revealing clothes is not wrong by itself. theres justification for it. @john, bible neva said that. @azazel, the church really is like a boardroom for saints. if u come to church the assumption is that ur born again...just bcos these days sinners outnumber saints in church doesnt mean its how it was meant to be.

Vanity said...

@Realist, you can look at me anytime

@John am sorry, are you saying the bible verses I quoted are lying?

@El-Divine If you come to church, the assumption shouldn't be that you're a saint but willing to change. That is the problem. If God only wanted to Christians to save saints, Christianity would be pointless.

Thank you guys for the feedback anyhow

Azazel said...

WOw @ el-divine..
Why should the assumption @ a church be that it's a boardroom for saints??
Where the heck did u pull that from??
Ask any pastor and they'll tell u different

Reine D'Afrique said...

I find it interesting that you condemn actions of an usher...has it ever occurred to you that maybe you should spend more time studying and truly speaking with those who live and breath Christianity. Those Humans whose only saving grace, is that Grace. There is nothing special about them. They are humans, they fall. and the only difference, they have accepted Grace.


Nice article. I think you would make a good writer.About that usher and most Christians holier than thou attitude,i only tell them to get ready, cos i would laugh at them when we meet in HELL.

Vanity said...

@Reine D'Afrique You're serious? I should question people who've truly studied the word? Isn't that like what Ushers are supposed to do?

Don't just defend a religion blindly. Acknowledge that she was wrong.

ZeL said...

Yeah, her attitude was wrong. After the service would have been much more appropriate and sensible. That was embarrassing.

"Christians" should learn to act right cus they may be the only Jesus "Sinners" see

El-Divine said...

@AZAZEL "ask any pastor and they'll tell u different"
isnt it rather tragic that i dont listen to pastors?
i come to my own conclusions. pastors have a vested interest in increased membership so they will say anything to let ppl come fill their chuches.

now this is why i said that church is for born agains. unless it is an evangelistic service, or crusade or whatever, regular sunday worship was meant to be a time when "followers of christ" come to fellowship together. if ur coming there on sunday, n u have no business with christ..ur a BENCH WARMER.
Actual evangelism takes place outside of church. so thats not the place for conversion, church is the place for 'already converted people' to learn and grow. if u still think im lying, read the early chapters of the book of Acts. And why is baptism a prerequisite for church membership if ur not sposed to be born again. i kno y yall r confused, its cos these days BENCH WARMERS have become the main revenue source of most churches. it aint supposed to be so. thats all im saying!

El-Divine said...

and dont get it twisted, i do agree that the usher was wrong, just for natural ethical reasons..she should be more sensitive and tactful. but as far as religion plays out, her action has justification.

Azazel said...

Lol El-Divine..
U might have a fair point there because there's no way to tell whether a church is a hospital for sinners or a museum for saints.. U just really can't argue one way or the other..
As u said, actual envangelism might actually take place outside of the church.

The Messiah said...

Honestly, I understand the perspective of the usher. Your first sentence was "I know I look hot," and you are going to a place where men are supposed to be holy. Don't you know holy niggas don't like temptation? Anyways, the ushers approach was wrong, but the intention (to keep the holy niggas holy, especially the pastor) was right under Xtian basis. So I understand the usher's point. But in my church, you are more than welcome to look hot for the Lord. Amen?