I went to Church..

Disclaimer: This post is not the view of every member of this blog but solely reflects me and my views. It will definitely be offensive and I know this will not stop you from reading but I just want to point that out. I urge you to read objectively and rationally and I welcome all comments negative or not. This is a long post so grab a cookie

I went to church and as you well know this cannot end well.  I tried to pay attention and give the bible a chance and now that I am sane(r), I can now rationally say "The bible sucks". I understand this is a book that means a lot to be billions of people but to me it means nothing. And as thus I am going to give it the same respect as I would to a John Grisham novel.

While the bible does offer a lot of upliftment and encouragement, I can get the same thing from an inspirational novel or one of those self help books. To me, the bible is a sexist pig. Well maybe not the whole bible but the writers of certain parts of the bible to be politically correct. So if I am trying to be correct I should say "Some of the bible sucks". Is that better?

Call me a self righteous feminist but I believe men and women can and should be treated equally. I have uni-sexualised my words and thoughts and behaviors. So when the bible starts with its belief of submission on the part of just women I am immediately defensive. So today the pastor happened to be talking about woman's role in life and as soon as he started reading from that chapter I should have walked out and would have saved myself this whole post but I didn't because well they were serving food after the service (Judge away). So being the open minded individual that I am, I walk up to the pastor later respectfully and ask him if he doesn't think the bible is sexist. He starts off by saying since I am not christian, I cannot understand the bible and all it's complexities, basically he finds ways to bullshit around the whole issue and gives me one or two verses where the bible praises womanhood. I walked away because I could not be bothered to argue when there was good food being served and honestly I was about to start cursing and that would be disrespectful.

I get so tired of this, “You’re not a Christian, so obviously you don’t know anything about the Bible.” I grew up with the Bible. I probably know a lot more about the bible than some of you. I went to Sunday school. I went to church. I went to Wednesday services. I sang in the church choir. I’ve read the Bible.

While, yes, there are some parts of the Bible that do move away, slightly, from the view that women are inferior, there aren’t nearly enough of those passages to overcome the overall view that women are second class citizens in the Christian religion and that the preferred woman is one who is silent, chaste, and submissive.

A big part of the reason why, despite spending 15 years where Christianity was all that I knew, I never could commit to the faith was because of the degrading way the Bible treats women. Over and over and over and over.

Yes, I understand that the Bible is reflective of the culture that produced it, which was misogynistic and believed/treated women as inferior and as property. The issue I have with the excuse that the Bible simply reflects the culture during which it was written is that makes the Bible something that can be dated and more importantly outdated. If they allow for that then how can it really be the true Word? In my mind as soon as someone allows for a less than perfect rating on the Bible - the entirety of it is questionable and their entire religious stance is flawed.

Either own the whole Bible or none of it I say.
(I choose the latter)

However, that only reinforces my belief that the Bible is far more a product of humans than it is of anything divine. And any divinity that honestly advocated for the sort of ideas about women that are so frequently espoused in the Bible is one that doesn’t deserve my worship, praise, and certainly not my obedience.Which is why I cannot bring myself to believe in the same biblical God that Christians do.

I get it. Christians pick and choose what parts of the Bible are important and unimportant. While it’s admirable that you choose to ignore the more sexist and dehumanizing passages of the Bible in favor of the more progressive passages of the Bible, because you believe it’s more in keeping with the spirit of Christ, it doesn’t really change the content of the Bible, which says a lot of things that I find deeply offensive and insulting and damaging.

It doesn’t really change the fact that those who hold anti-women views can find more than enough backup to reinforce their views in the Bible…which is far less a matter of what is or isn’t.

So, yeah. I’m not a Christian. But it doesn’t mean that I can’t read the multiple passages that say, “Women, you are to be submissive to your husbands,” and not be able to figure out that what the Bible is saying is, “Women, you are to submit to your husbands.” It’s nice that you read that and go, “Well, it could mean something else,” or “Well, there’s this other part that is nicer to the ladies.” But to argue that these words somehow confused me because I am not christian or that I shouldn't question God is just unacceptable. 

Seriously?

The Bible begins, in Genesis, with putting all the blame for the pain and suffering of humanity on a woman’s shoulders. And then women are punished for all eternity because one lady got down with a serpent.

“Of the woman came the beginning of sin, and through her we all die.”

Women are viewed as subjects of their husbands.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.”

Women’s value is seen almost exclusively in their ability to keep their mouths and their legs shut.

“A silent and loving woman is a gift of the Lord: and there is nothing so much worth as a mind well instructed. A shamefaced and faithful woman is a double grace, and her continent mind cannot be valued.” 

“Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.”

“Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.”

“That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”

“Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”

 So does that mean Female pastors are going to hell? Is Benson Idahosa's wife going to hell for not always covering her head or does her weave count as a hair covering? And then there are verses that prevent women from teaching in church. (I Corinthians 14:33-35, 1 Timothy 2:11-12).” Actually, it’s “Thou shalt not SPEAK in church.” At all. Ever. And this time it's from the new testament too. I mean if Mrs Idahosa wasn't going to hell before, she is now and so are your female pastors and deaconesses. I mean really and then you sit there and tell me how I should respect the bible and believe in it?

Take that shit home, bitch (in the words of co-blogger and future mating partner, Realist) and eat multiple dicks.

The bible sucks!

Warning! This post will offend many and I am not apologizing for it!

I am currently speaking from a place with a lot of hate. I always try to be tolerant to Christianity and the Bible. I never bash. However, since Christians have decided that they shall not respect what I believe because it isn't 'the truth' I've decided that I'm done being polite. Like my friend says "Fuck civility. Let's all be bitches"

My question is;
What is with the old and new testaments? In fact what is with the bible in general? I think the bible was written by a bunch of fucking idiotic liars who didn’t even think to cross check each others' work. It has so many fucking contradictions, it amazes me that people can even sit there and defend it. So I am starting a new bi-monthly segment, titled “Contradictions in the bible” There are so many that it might take me months and then I’ll let you sit there and lie to yourself and tell yourself that “The word of God shouldn’t be questioned because I am a mere mortal”

Are we saying "God" couldn't make up his mind? Or are we saying that by creating the New Testament, "God” was once wrong with some of his old rules? Which brings about the question, can "God" be wrong? So in that case should we be expecting a new millennium testament because some of that shit is out dated? Also maybe “God” went through therapy and stuff because we have to admit that “God” was a sinister, evil bastard in the Old Testament. He commanded stoning, killing of babies and destruction of people's property. In the New Testament he supposedly comes down as an alter ego and preaches love, joy and happiness.

For the record, I'm sick and tired of people choosing to follow some parts of the Old Testament when it pleases them. No! You either think the Old Testament is outdated or you don't. Do not come at me with some scripture from the Old Testament and when I come back at you, you tell me my scripture is all no longer valid. How about you fuck yourself with your ignorance

Also, don't tell me "Oh Jesus spoke most of the new Testament not God" Negro please. Aren't you the same person that said God and Jesus are one? If Jesus and God are the same, then shouldn’t they like share a mind? Why are they contradicting each other?

Mark 15:34-37, Matthew 27:46-50 - Jesus says: “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” If he’s the same as God, please I’d like you to explain why he thinks he has forsaken himself?

John 10:30 I and my Father are one.
John 14:28 Ye have heard how I said unto you, I go away, and come again unto you. If ye loved me, ye would rejoice, because I said, I go unto the Father: for my Father is greater than I.

This is looking more and more like Multiple personality disorder.

MPD describes a condition in which a person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities (known as alter egos or alters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment.

I believe in God, and I’d like to think that my God is sane and shit.

Yours blasphemingly,

Vanity xx

P.S. I’d appreciate if the people who wrote the bible could agree on one creation story because, well, the humans are monkeys theory is making more sense at the moment. Did humans come first or did the animals?

Genesis 1:25 And God made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and everything that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and God saw that it was good.
Genesis 1:26 And God said; Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
(Notice how in genesis 1, he says 'let us'. So is there more than one God? Or was Jesus there with him? Or did the angels help him? In that case why does he take the glory for all their work? Isn't that like plagiarism? Also in this chapter, it seems that Eve was planned because he says them while in Chapter 2, Eve is more of an after thought! )

Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him and help meet for him.(How sexist! Notice how it says Help and not companion And how Eve wasn't even planned!)
Genesis 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

(If you read my own blog, you'll know I have issues with the family and they are making me read the bible and well, this is what happens when I read the bible. I have to read the whole bible so um yeah. Just about done with genesis!)

Be more like Jesus

I know I look hot. It's a pale pink, flowered, boobed tubed, A line dress that hits just above my knees. My shoes are new dollhouses. Studded and zippered to contrast the ultra girly dress. My hair is a curly bun, and my makeup is as always on point, my signature smoky cat eyes and pale pink lips.

I give myself a once over and walk into the church, it's my friend sister's wedding and I'm like 20 mins late. So as I hurry to my assigned seat, my heels pitter patter on the floor (as heels are known to do) and this causes the whole church's attention to shift to me. Well, being no stranger to attention, I shift my hurried walk into a catwalk. Feeling very cool with myself.

Next thing I know an usher walks up to me. She's 24ish, wearing a pale grey suit two sizes too big and shoes that look like clogs. Brown powder 5 shades too light and ugly plastic ear rings. I beam my best smile at her and whisper "I know where my seat is." Imagine my surprise as she grabs my arm and says rather harshly "Abeg let's go outside, I want to talk to you about something"

I stare in amazement at the crusty nails grabbing my arm. My friend gives me a look like "What is going?" I reply with what is now known as the 'Kanye shrug'. I walk outside with this girl and say "What's up?" Silently hoping she wants me to give her a makeover. As I silently decide what eye shadow would look good on her, out of her too-bright-for-her-complexion-red-lipsticked mouth comes this "We can see your bobbie (breasts), your dress is too short, your shoe too high, you cannot enter this church. You want to come and distract our pastor and brothers?"

I stare in surprise, mouth slightly ajar as she walks away and shuts the door behind her.
As a true naija girl, I walk away head held high and drive to the nearest beer and peppersoup joint awaiting the close of the ceremony and to contemplate the stupidity of this scenario.
As a church, isn't your place to show us the error of our ways as "sinners"? Isn't it your place to take us in and try to make us sin no more? Do you know how empty the bible would be if Jesus had only saved seemingly decent people?

“On hearing this, Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. ¹³But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." Mathew 9: 12-13
"I revealed myself to those who did not ask for me; I was found by those who did not seek me. To a nation that did not call on my name, I said, ‘Here am I, here am I’" Isaiah 65:1

Wouldn't it have been better if after church she walked up to me and tried to preach to me and then explain that if I wanted to come next time, I had to maintain a certain decorum? People like her and whoever invented that rule fail as Christians.

Imagine if I went and bad mouthed the church to all my friends, facebook, twitter, blogsville e.t.c Not just the church, but Christ would lose a lot of potential followers. She would have single handedly gone to hell for the loss of my soul and the thousands of people I would have told who would have decided that Christianity was too much of a hassle.

Now some of you are going to say "Did you not know you were going to church, why did you dress like that?" Imagine if I was a hooker and all my clothes were mini skirts and striper boots. Somehow suddenly I decide to give my life to Christ and your church is the closest to me. I wear my usual clothes that I feel good in after all, the bible or so says “It's what's in my heart that matters” and then I receive treatment like that. Raise your hand if you think I will try another church for a long ass time, if at all.


Anyhow who are you to turn “sinners” away? It’s like a hospitals turning people away for being too sick. If your Jesus, your Messiah, the one who you are supposed to be so much like didn’t turn “sinners” away but went and sought them, Who the Fuck are you?

Ok Also this is unrelated but since am talking about church. It can be argued that God hated sinners. And if God hates sinners and Jesus wants them, doesn’t that kinda trump your God & Jesus the same argument? Or did God have MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder) and that’s why he created Jesus to be his alter ego? (waits for thunder to strike…. Ok we’re good)

Here are some examples:
Psalm 5:5 says “The boastful shall not stand before your eyes; you hate all evildoers.”
 Psalm 11:5 says “The LORD tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and the one who loves violence.”
 Jeremiah 12:8 says “My heritage has become to me like a lion in the forest; she has lifted up her voice against me; therefore I hate her.”
Hosea 9:15 he says, “Every evil of theirs is in Gilgal; there I began to hate them.”
Psalm 119:119 All the wicked of the earth you discard like dross; therefore I love your statutes.

And of course there is the simple but powerful:
Romans 9:13  “As it is written, “Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated.”"

Yet we flinch from ascribing such an emotion to God? Why is this? Is it not enough to see the Scriptures clearly showing God hating sin and sinners to accept that this is true?

Ok, Am done.
Vanity XX

WHY ARE MOST AFRICANS SO EASILY MANIPULATED???

Lol my people I have a problem. For the first time in a long time, I have been unable to reach a conclusion on an issue. Let me explain, so everyday of my life things happen to me, I experience things, I watch things, I feel things.I always like to think about all those things that have happened to me and draw "conclusions". These conclusions help me a lot. These conclusions do not necessarily become convictions, because I am the kind of person who continually refines and criticises "my beliefs".

Anywayz, I watched the Avatar movie and as Enoch said on his personal blog that movie had overtones that most people who were intellectual should be able to get. Basically, everything that happened in that movie made me think about the Native Americans in America. If you have not watched the movie, I suggest that you go watch it. Well that movie just got me to thinking about whether genocide/mass murder in some cases is justified. The native americans were primitive, they did not believe in the owning of land, their own culture was severely different from that of Westerners who sought to take over America. My point is this, if the Native Americans had been allowed to do what they were doing undisturbed it is very safe to say that I would not be typing on a keyboard right now and neither would I be overseas right now. I mean I feel like it's time we face facts, the white man back then was smarter, more curious, more inquisitive and certainly more knowledgeable than other "races" at that time. That is why they were able to go through the industrial revolution and hence we came to have factories, economies began to boom and small by small all those things led up to where we are in the world right now in terms of technology, science etc. Anywayz, incase I've lost you guys, all I am trying to ask is whether the abuses suffered by the Native Americans at the hands of the Europeans was worth it in order for us to get what we all enjoy today? Was the sacrifice worth it? Would we have been better off if the Native Americans had been allowed to do what they do without interference? For some reason I also thought about where Jesus said in the bible "Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for a fellow man". So I then replaced that quote with this "Greater love hath no ethnicity than this, that they lay down their lives for mankind".Lol the ethnicity in this case being the Native Americans.The only thing wrong with my line of reasoning is that the Native Americans never laid down their lives willingly, they were murdered, killed and almost exterminated. They suffered all this so that the Europeans could own lands, do explorations, build roads,hospitals, etc. And am asking, at the end of the day. Were their deaths worth it? This is the question that was bothering me and it's making me think to hard this late night. Normally, in other cases of genocide I am like "Genocide is completely wrong and unjustifiable". But I find myself justifying or at least trying to justify the genocide that happened to the Native Americans. If they weren't killed, there would certainly have remained primitive, they would have worshipped whatever they worshipped then, stupid superstitions and taboos would have existed.

I always laugh when Africans always say stuff like "Oh the white man is not smarter than us". Yet we as a continent let the white man come into our continent and convert us to their own religion?Christianity? Islam?etc are all foreign religions. It just makes me wonder how "fickle" the african man must have been that they were not willing to die for their convictions/beliefs. We were paganists and from being pagans we've gone to being christian, muslims etc. And the funny thing is,we've even become more religious than the people who brought the religion to us.Ain't that a bitch? Biggest church in the world with a capacity to sit 50k people is in Naija. Africans take their adopted religions seriously and it amazes me how we sound so convicted with our "newfound beliefs".Am very sure if the asians had colonized us we would be buddhists by now or Hindus. Hiss. Anywayz sha I came across this quote by Stendhal "“All religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.” Back up this quote with Desmond Tutu's quote which says"When the missionaries came they had the bible and we had the land, they said let us close our eyes. When we opened it, we had the bible and they had the land". As Africans we can like to recognise when we are being "FUCKING MANIPULATED". Now am not advocating that we abandon all religion, but try to always make certain that your religion is 100% about love. Your religion should never bring harm/sorrow/misery to a large portion of people. EVER!!Once your religion, starts preaching hate and division then switch over to "reason" and get back on track.

Lastly,  have you ever heard people say that the bible is not a book that should be taken literal? Well I am here to ask, who decides what parts of the bible should be taken literal and what parts should not be taken literal? Our Pastors?Bishops?Popes?All these supposed "men of God" are one or two steps away from a Tiger Wood scandal waiting to happen. And where am from books which are not supposed to be taken literally are called FICTION. Maybe the bible should have been divided into Fiction and Non-Fiction. Instead of Old testament and New Testament. Una no gree??

ARE CHRISTIANS GULLIBLE COWARDS IN PURSUIT OF IMAGINARY SELF INTERESTS?

God in heaven. I am about to blaspheme in your name. Don't sit there and watch me do this. Strike me dead before I can finish this sentence. Ok how about this sentence? You know what? I'll give you till the end of the post.

Well if you can read this I guess he/she/it is having an orgy or perhaps a hangover from a slumber party. Please no comments defending God. He clearly wouldn't do it for himself and no comments about that "thou shalt not test God" crap either. Any such comments as well as comments claiming I'm hell bound, makes the case this post intends to.

My last post got criticized for being somewhat cryptic. This one would keep metaphors to a minimum and avoid compound sentences. I'll try to reduce the "I don't know what he is talking about" effect. Was going to go full controversial today but I don't have the time to tackle the ensuing comments. So, the controversy dial is on moderate.

Enoch believes there is as much evidence for a God as there is for the Easter Bunny. And as stated in his last post, Enoch believes faith is just a cool word for subtle insanity. He lusts after being part of something larger than himself and the knowledge of a higher purpose but does not let that urge lead him to grab onto any belief regardless of its legitimacy just for the sake of quenching his longing. Enoch was born a catholic and developed doubts after he couldn't reconcile confessing his "sins" to a mere mortal like himself. That disgust formed the core of what grew to be his outright rejection of all things faith. Enoch believes that Kids should not be groomed in any one religion and so deserve the right to choose for themselves prejudice-free upon reaching adulthood. He also believes that Christians born into the faith are too conditioned to see the folly of their beliefs and later in life are often just too cowardly to reject it as the lie that it is. Cowardice that really isn't due to any fault of theirs.

My most amusing recurrent experience involves Christians trying to convince me of the existence of God with quotes from a book whose history they know little about (A book they believe without doubt solely because the book demands that they should while threatening death for doubting.) And this is true for a disproportionate number of christians. They know Paul, Mathew, Mark, Luke, john, etc But have rarely ever heard of Papias of Hierapolis, Irenaeus of Lyons, Eusebius of Caesarea or any other of the handful of early Christian scholars that determined who authored what book in the Gospels. $60 bucks says 80% of Christians reading this do not know these men and the role they played in putting together the New Testament. They rarely know&couldn't care less that modern historians can not confidently decipher authorship of the gospels.

You see, that is my problem. Even if you are determined to believe, don't you owe yourself at least 5 to 10 minutes worth of research to have an objective sense of the history of the book you want to believe? As I have said repeatedly on this blog and as I often ask Christians; Who wrote the New Testament books? How do you know so? If learned folks can't tell, how can you? Do you know there were several books claiming to be authored by the disciples that were rejected? How do you know those were not the real books? How do you know that the devil hasn't carried out a sinister plot designed for you to read& believe crap?

Shouldn't it give a devout follower of Christ cause for concern to learn that the three authors of the new testament that speak about the timing of Jesus' birth give inconsistent details? Mathew claims it was in the time of Herod who died 4BC. Luke claims it was in the time of Augustus whose reign began in AD6 and John throws his own dice and claims its 18BC. I have said it a million times and I will say it again. If those scholars had their own agenda or are of poor judgment how can anyone be certain of the authorship of the Gospels? And if you insist on believing anyway, how can you confidently believe stories about imaginary winged creatures and a human-esque God from the same people that can't get right the date of birth of their lord and savior who they walked the earth with? And even if it were authored by the real disciples why are we obliged to believe them and say not Joseph Smith or Muhammad etc?

Little parable:
Imagine you've got $200,001 in your pocket(huge pocket) and some dude wants to sell you a treasure map that leads to a billion dollar gold chest. He demands $200,000 for this map. The map has a scribbling on the right corner that claims it is authentic. It also makes one of those claims common to silly chain emails; "If you doubt this map and do not seek the treasure, you die in three days." Wouldn't it be gullible and cowardly to buy this map and believe it because the map itself claims its legit? Wouldn't it be just as cowardly to reject suggestions of subterfuge because you've spent all your life seeking the fictitious treasure? If the treasure was eternal life, wouldn't the map deserve the least bit of research and oodles of doubt?

Lets call a spade a spade. A good number of religious folks/Christians are just gullible cowards and others are driven by self interest to make it to heaven by all means. While some are cowards because of the fear of eternal damnation others are cowards because they've invested too much in a lie and are just too cowardly to cut their losses. Too scared to even consider an opposing idea let alone accept one as truth especially if it is more depressing than the lie they've embraced. Not to mention the ones that are too cowardly to imagine/handle life without a higher purpose. Too cowardly to see life as the empty struggle that it is, so they make up fact-free feelgood stories and believe them and call it having faith. Truth makes no accommodations for feelings.

About half a dozen more questions:

If the hell portion was taken out of religion how many religious followers would remain? If the heaven portion was taken out of religion, how many followers would loose motivation? If Jesus,Allah, yaweh, shows up with a global megaphone and goes like "Hey guys, we've decided heaven and hell were bad ideas. We hereby scrap them. see you later." How many religious folks would scream "Thank God!!" and how many would want to litigate?

Why does the Cristian God deem it necessary to threaten her creatures with eternal fire? And tantalize them with everlasting life? If she really wanted to know those that love her why doesn't she just leave the hell/heaven part out of her book and surprise us after death? Is there any such thing as an omnipotent omniscient being? Is such a being "wise enough to make a rock it can't lift?" I don't think any all powerful being that demands love and discipleship under the threat of eternal death deserves either. Creator or not, hellfire or hellfreezer; She should spend eternity alone or with her singing stones/whatever. But then she is no more real than the tooth fairy that controls the sphincter in my ass.


Is "Christian" a synonym for "gullible coward in pursuit of imaginary self-interests"?