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Wednesday, September 23, 2009



For those of us who have had the privilege of being Robbed in Nigeria. I wanted to share my own experience and then have you all share your experience also.
The year was 2004, the day was sunny, Nepa had not yet taken light lol. We had just gotten back from a family lunch and my parents decided last minute that they wanted to go for exercise, as the gateman was closing the gate, the 6 armed robbers came in through the gate and hustled the gateman, his girlfriend etc into the main house. As this was going on, yours truly was in the House playing PlayStation and I was fully concentrated on the game that when one of the robbers came through the door I actually greeted one of them thinking that he was the carpenter or something.
Controversy - Good Afternoon o
Robber - Good Afternoon (proceeds to go through the rooms and ignores me)
Controversy ( Being the fool that he is, continues to play his video game)
The robbers brought everybody into the living room and proceed to tell everybody to get on the floor, it wasn't until one of them pointed his double barrel gun @ my chest that I knew that shit had hit the fan "literally" I almost had a heart attack, because my heart made several leaps, the two huge holes in that double barrel gun convinced me that I was about to die.I proceeded to lie flat on the floor, but unbeknownst to moi, shit don catch me ever since that idiotic robber pointed the gun at moi. So I proceeded to let him know that I had to use the restroom.
Controversy - Please sir Shit wan catch me, make I go use toilet.
Robber - Hold on, We will soon be done.
Controversy (grimaces, starts to turn and twist in other to displace the shit that is threatening to destroy me asks again) - Oga please I wan go shit.
Robber -(walks over to me and hands me the dirtiest slap I've ever received in my life)
Controversy - (all the shit literally went out of my system, the shit didn't trouble me any longer. Who knew that a simple slap could do so much) - The glasses I was wearing at the time of that slap broke in half.

The Robbers proceeded to cart away all the money we had in that house, and as they were taking money, laptops, cell phones etc, almighty NEPA took light. Lmao, imagine NEPA coming to our rescue, the robbers could not see anything so they decided to hurry up and leave. They honestly left so many stuff behind all thanks to NEPA, (this is where christians would say all thanks to God, like God was the guy working in the NEPA station who turned off the light).

The robbers where now looking for a room to lock us all in that was big enough, because Robbers don't want you calling the police immediately they've left, as if Nigerian Police ever responded fast to anything.  First, they took us into the househelp's room and wanted to lock us in there, they told us to lie on the floor, again my ass was slow in getting down so, that very same robber walked up to me and gave me another dirty slap. At that point, I was basically numb on that face, two dirty slaps in the span of 10 minutes can do that to a brova's face. They eventually locked us in the toilet, seeing as the househelp's room had no key to lock it with, and then they left. We didn't wait 10 minutes before our kind Nigerian Neighbors came to rescue us from the place, they broke down the door and let us out. My parents did not come back until two hours later, and when they heard the news they were extremely shocked. Everyone was truly traumatised, and being the devil that I am, I exploited the trauma card as an excuse to get out from going to church that sunday. (Honestly, never let a good crisis go to waste).

At the end of everything sha, we were all fine and the housemaid had been beaten up a few times but nothing really major. She was fine, and I turned out fine also, even after all those slaps lol. So yeah, my people entertain me with your own stories or stories you yourselves have heard about.



so wetin happen to the shit after the robbers go lwkm interesting story it reminds me of those boring Nigerian movies

Ina said...

I will take two "Dirty" slaps over gettin shot lol.

Nepa save ur life b

Controversy said...

Lol blasphemy, the shit left my body by force. I don't think i went to shit after they left, to traumatised.

Forreal lol anyday.

Lady X said...

This was the best part of the post "...this is where christians would say all thanks to God, like God was the guy working in the NEPA station who turned off the light)..."

LMAO! You've made my night. I think I can finally sleep happily now haha!

Sacred said...

After five hours of intensive salsa dancing...
I come home to this...and I can truly say, I laughed so hard I almost fell of my chair.
This is even funnier than Ghadafi hijacking the UN Assembly

nonny said...

No funny robbery stories. The one i have will make you cry. but i did find this online:

Goat detained over armed robbery

LAGOS (Reuters) - Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody. We cannot base our information on something mystical. It is something that has to be proved scientifically, that a human being turned into a goat," he said.

~B~ said...

LOOOL! wow, NEPA actually saved d day for once.

Man, I've been privileged enuff t b visited by armed robbers 4 different times, all in d same house! needless t say, na long tori, may actually blog bout it some tym.

Chai, 2 slaps?! Pele! lol @ "never let a gud crisis go t waste"

Controversy said...

@ Sacred
Lol nice to be of help.
@ Lady X
Lol am just saying, christians will claim anything and say taht God made it possible..haha
@ nonny
Lol i saw that story, but did you agree with them? Because eyewitnesses where there lol? I am having a hard time believin that they could have made it up.

@ B
They visited your house 4 times, dayummm wth. Lol you should have moved out of there after the 3rd time o.

~B~ said...

Lol, best believ after d 2nd tym we started looking!

Anonymous said...

year 2000, we just buried my uncle, the party was at his place, a very massive house, the family decided to put on his obituary, all of his kids from jand and yankee

To the burial, i saw a man who wore one eyed lenses and i did not think it was weird , oh well i was 10+

Fast forward to the night, party people were gone, just family left;

my little coz wanted to do the num 2, no one wanted to go cos we wer dancing to an MJ song, finally s'one decided to take the little girl, on his way back he heard

ole! ole!

wen he came back, he told us what he heard, we thought it was a joke, until he startd locking the doors and windows. we all just ran into the toilet,all 10 of us, the toilet no one used cos it was permanenly stinking. I wont lie, it smelled like fresh apples in there. lol

I was behind the door, holding my high heeled shoes, thinking bout it nw; what would that have done?

My cousins removed the shower curtain rail to potentially hit the robber. Dont call us stupid we scared to death, the the baby was sound asleep in the bath tub .

For one whole hour we heard gunshots and screams, the robbers went, then came back ,one of the robbers even tried entering the room were convinced the room was just another un occupied room

At the end of the ordeal sha, when we were being evacuated by the adults, the police brought their chicken legs ' to recue' us

About 24 robbers with about 50 people in the house, no one was injured but money and other valuables were stolen.

I will call that Gods mercy

nonny said...

nah, i think they had beef with the owner of the goat

Myne Whitman said...

I've never been robbed but some of these stories are scary. Wow!

Controversy said...

@ ttolla.
Umm idk about God's mercy sha, GOd's mercy would have been yall not gettin robbed @ all.

@ Myne Whitman.
Lol nigeria is a crazy place.

@ nonny.
Hahahaahhaha @ had beef with the owner of the goat. I honestly never even thought about that angle, and I wouldn't be surprised to.

@ B
Lol i would do the same thing to lol

honey91 said...

lmao...omg did u actually go on urself tho?

Controversy said...

@ honey91
I did not go on myself o.
Ahn ahn.
But even if i did, u should forgive me.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

lol @this is where Christians would say all thanks to God, like God was the guy working in the NEPA station who turned off the light.

No be small thing oh!!!

Don't have any story to tell

Controversy said...

@ honey91.
Lol that's great that u've never been robbed.
Lucky individual

La Kunbita said...

This is one of the funniest shit i ever read!
The shit part and the slap is the best part....i'm still laughing.
I have never been robbed, i suppose that God's mercy or because we lived in Ojota

Controversy said...

Lol Ojota was a cool place, heard funny stories about that place.