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Monday, December 28, 2009

IF YOU LIVE LONG ENOUGH,YOU WILL GET TO SEE THINGS THAT WILL JOLT YOU.


Never thought I would live to see the day when a Nigerian would delve into suicide bombing. But I guess if you live long enough you can see everything.
So basically, instead of typing one long post, I decided to just post the Fb statuses that I culled from a certain Fb profile.I want us to discuss any of them you guys find interesting. Trust me, if I had written a post, the ish would have been to long jare. I decided to pity you guys as well as pity my fingers.It would be an understatement to say that there was a certain 'tone' CNN was carrying while delivering the news about this whole terrorist situation. There was something very 'sinister' in the way they referred to Nigeria etc. So on facebook there is this one group on there about this whole terrorist situation that thoroughly proves to me that, when the mob of people agree on a cause, then something is wrong with the entire cause. A mob has enough heads, but no brains.

So e be like say this Umar guy was an arsenal fan, going trophyless for 5 seasons can definitely lead one to go into suicide bombing. Shey una no grree?? Btw I posted this particular statement on my status on fb o, only to see one person like that steal the status 20 mins later without even citing? Rude much..We can like to be citing o, it's common courtesy. Hiss lol. *looks sideways @ ex-schoolnerd*



Status 1 - Is first time Al-Qaeda decides to embrace affirmative action and give a black man a chance @ matyrdom, the guy goes and blows up his penis. This is the last time they trust a black guy to do the job right.

Status 2 - The Difference between a Nigerian Terrorist and an Arab terrorist is?Consideration.An arab terrorist wud have blown dat plane yle it was in the sky nd it wud fallen into atlantic ocean.The 9ja guy had the decency 2 wait until dat plane was on land 2 blow it.Bearin in mind dat it wud be easier 4 the family of the victim...s 2 recover D bodies of their loved ones on land 4 burial rather dan in the atlantic ocean.

Status 3 - U see hypocrisy in high places? It is because Umar wanted to blow up a plane in the U.S that is why everybody they vex. If Umar had entered a plane headed to 'Burkina Faso/Equitorial Guinea/Mozambique' how many of us would give a hoot? Again slowly by our actions,we again prove that the life/security of America is m...ore important than the life/security of our fellow African Nations.*SMH*

Status 4 - Question 2 all my muslim/Christian friends.If Jesus/Mohammed were alive 2day,wud dey condemn or forgive Umar?Bcus I c a lot of condemnin goin around,but not enuf 4giveness.Wat happened 2 'turnin the other cheek'?If ur enemy slap u,u turn the other cheek.Same tin 2 applies 2 terrorism.If ur enemy blows up a plane,giv...e him anoda plane 2 blow.But it's ok sha,we Nigerians are famous 4 preachn wat we can neva practice.

Status 5 - Wow. So it seems like if ur nigerian u can't go to the toilet on an Airplane again with peace of mind?Ahn Ahn look @ how they surrounded dis one plane,just becus a Nigerian simply went inside toilet becus he was sick.E be like say we Nigerians shud start stockin up on diapers and pampers as we might have 2 start goi...n 2 'toilet' like babies.So dat we don't raise suspicion.

Status 6 - Internet Scam emails from next year will now begin to read: "Dear Sir, My name is Omar Abdulmutallab, the twin brother of Umar who was captured in the US last year. He left in my account $400,000,000... etc." (Kola Tobusun

Status 7 - U kno how afta the 9/11 attacks,somppl started beatin/killn Arabs?Well we 9ja peeps dey black so nobody can tell the diff abi?The only prob bein dat we 9ja ppl love 2 'rep' our country wit our shirts nd wit our license plate numbers.As i speak,I myself have gon 2 erase the 'ia'out of Nigeria so wen ppl see my shirt ...dey will see 'Irep Niger'insted of 'Irep Nigeria'.As u c me so,I am now a citizen of Niger Republic.

Status 8 - #OperationcleanupNigeriabytribe- Edo ppl promote all the prostitution,Igbo ppl are the scammers/fraudsters/419,Hausa ppl are either terrorists/sharia law activists,Niger Deltan ppl are either militants/terrorists.Lol Yoruba ppl are really not known 4 any "evil" thing nd the only thing dey love to do is 'Party/Owamb...e'.Pls we Nigerians can strive 2 be more like the Yoruba tribe.Such a peaceful tribe.

In conclusion, when there is a major crisis, and a large group of people gather. There is usually a mob, people start to say things that do not make sense, they utter things out of anger and hate. If you are ever find yourself in a situation where the mob has gone 'mad'? Just remember that when people are angry, they tend to give the responsibility of 'thinking' over to their anus.

23 comments:

Realist said...

this is not Otunba's follow up!!! Otunba you too dey fucc up...lol

lol@ those statusses, only a mad person will come up with that status. The guy most be an idiot, he probably the kind of person that will blow himself up...

Azazel said...

Lol realist..
Otunba is coming with his update soon.

honey91 said...

ok seriously some of these statuses are jus plain random...but lemme confess i thot #2 was chuckle worthy

EDJ said...

Comment #6 is hilarious and quite true.

In other "Nigerian News Abroad", I was in the movie theater recently I saw a commercial about protecting yourself from online identity theft.

In the commercial a woman buys a pair of shoes and her credit card information is stolen by a man in...a Lagos cybercafe. This is a commercial playing at AMC theaters in the city (I saw it twice before they FINALLY started Avatar).

Now we can add terrorism to our reputation. Hurray!

I wish I could get my hands on this failed terrorist. As if airline passengers don't have enough to worry about.

TayneMent said...

LOL...funny steez. Your title is on point.

Realist said...

@EDJ, i saw that commercial yesterday on CNN... All i could do was laugh. I mean i am not even upset, i rather a 419 than terrorist

Azazel said...

Lol forreal EDJ..
I've seen that commercial as well.
Mehn we have really messed up big time.

Myne Whitman said...

Azazel, I saw your post on that FB page and I just liked it. You made correct sense about the reason for condemning the terrorist act not for selfish reasons etc. These statuses here are so funny, LOL

Enoch said...

These are so damn funny. I think I should make up with fb.

leggy said...

lol...i loved the whole statuses,they made me laugh...trust nigerians to turn everything into a joke.lmao.

miss.fab said...

Lmfao! That guy has major jokes lol. I agree with leggy - at least some people can find humor in this unfortunate situation.

BSNC said...

lol that funny and the last part, people thinking over their anus..hahah. Says who...

compliments of the season Azazel :)

Neo said...

lol @ status 6, hope the person is light skinned with curly kora hair sha

status 3 is just vapid! terrorism is terrorism whether the plane was headed to america or timbuktu!

Azazel said...

Lol Myne your talking about the fb group abi?
Lol
Thanks guys..
Compliments of the season o

Azazel said...

Lol miss Fab and leggy..
That's why it's good to laff o, so the whole thing doesn't stress man pikin out.

umar said...

evrything is funny till u notice my name.. bcos of the guy i will probably be flagged on all airlines now..why was his name nt something else like ibrahim or so...and yes i also have to shave my beards from my face...

Azazel said...

Lmao Umar..
Am so sorry bro, mehn that sucks though.
A naija newspaper even published the wrong photo of the guy.

sunnyside said...

Lwkmd *speechless*

Nice Anon said...

lol@ the brother of Umar bit. Azazel you no well at all.

Azazel said...

Lol the thing dey give me Enuf laffs nice anon.

miss b said...

lmaoooo @ d last comment about yoruba people having no flaws! is that a joke or something???

LucidLilith said...

I think I am about to get fired for laughing too loud at work. Azazel...you get problems. I am going to link to this from NIA.

Nuhu Onaiekan said...

Are you for real in status # 8 when Yorubas top the list of bank forgery in the world? If you wish, check these lists below and tell me their tribes. Lets stop lying to ourselves in the name of comedy and that is the only way we can get reprieve for our badly decayed nation.
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=345479.msg4891835#msg4891835
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-354362.0.html
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=356859.msg4990476#msg4990476
http://cases.justia.com/us-court-of-appeals/F3/15/603/536713/
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=358489.msg5008541#msg5008541
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=361686.msg5049649#msg5049649
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=361822.msg5051619#msg5051619
http://antifraudintl.org/showthread.php?t=25322
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=370906.msg5180024#msg5180024
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=370453.msg5168820#msg5168820
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=370377.msg5168580#msg5168580
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=367065.msg5122901#msg5122901
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-361977.0.html (on kidnapping)
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=362275.msg5055787#msg5055787
http://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-350227.0.html


Yorubas are also suicide bombers and not only hausas here:
http://www.vanguardngr.com/2010/01/07/my-target-was-chris-oyakhilome-%E2%80%94lagos-bomber/