Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Hey Baby, What's Yo Zodiac Sign?!!
I'm a salesman in a beauty supply, and if you ever want to fully examine and get in depth inside the female brain (and of course see they're real hair), this is the job you want. They tell and show you all sorts of stuff they don't even bring up with their husbands. Because of this knowledge, I can tell if a woman is wearing a wig or a weave. If it's a wig, I can tell the company that made it and how long she's had it for. I even learned a lotta stuff about pregnant women that I never knew; like pregnant women have a heightened sense of smell (so if you wan mess around pregnant women I suggest leaving the room, because they go smell am). They have a unity with their baby, where the mom only eats whatever the unborn fetus wants; they also can't apply a lot of chemicals to their skin, digestive system, and hair, if not the baby go vex. I learn all sorts of weird things at my work place, but what this one lady told me six months ago classifies as number one of all the bizarre things women have told me in that store, at least so far.
First of all, she's a regular, I see her all the time and we usually get into some interesting and funny conversations. She's married with two young kids (the oldest is about 4 years old). Ok so this one day, she brought her kids and was trying on some wigs in our store. Something led to another and she asked me my zodiac sign. I said "Sagi." She said, "No wonder we get along so well." I replied, "What do you mean?" She said, "I'm a leo and my sign is compatible with yours, my husband is a sagi too." Then she went on, "I've been in many relationships and so far the only men that could handle me are sagis." My eyebrows instantly rose as I asked her, "So how many relationships have you been in?" She said, "A lot!" I noticed she didn't want to give up the exact number, and plus she looked, at most 35 but at least 28. But to think about it, if one could be in so many relationships where one notices a pattern of correlations between the zodiac sign of the partner and the success of the relationship, I'm guessing she wasn't exaggerating when she said, "A lot!" She then said, "On the first date is when I know if it [the relationship] is going to be successful." So I asked, "How?" She said, "I ask the guy what his zodiac sign is and if it isn't compatible with mine, I just know it wouldn't last, and I've never been proven wrong." Yeah I bet she really hasn't been proven wrong, because of her stupid self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think anything you're doing is going to fail, it will. That's a no-brainer. It has nothing to do with the partner's birthday. But I dare not say that to her at this moment, because the last thing you want to do when a woman shares that much info with you, is argue(no matter how nonsensical it is). Just listen. So I slowly shook my head vertically, and smiled. And then she said, "I think you'd be compatible with my little sister." In my head I said, "You dey craze."
After that convo, I really started thinking about this zodiac thing. Like my Lagosian chicks aka Sisi Eko's would say, "Is it that serious?" So I journeyed into the deep sea of astrology, to find answers but instead I found rubbish. I decided to test how accurate their descriptions of certain signs are. I flipped certain signs around, making Pisces become Capricorn, and Leo become Gemini. So I showed my nephew, who is a Leo, the Gemini characteristics. He said it was accurate, until I reveal to him that those were the characteristics of gemini. I showed my friend the fake Pisces characteristic and the same result was shown. Truth is, the characteristics of every zodiac sign are in all of us to a certain degree. So if all of them are right, specifying certain human characteristics to birthdays is fallacy. I even started paying attention to my daily astrological sign's forecasts and almost every time it was dead wrong. Sometimes what they predict for other signs is actually what happens to me. That's when I realized these things are nothing but superstitious bullshit people believe in. It's almost like religion without God. And just like religion has prophets and Men of God (who God only speaks to), astrology has psychics and people who the dead only speak to. When the show Montel used to be on on CBS every day at 2 o'clock, my mom watched it religiously. And every Wednesday, Montel (the host of his show) would invite Silvia Brown (a well-known and "successful" psychic) for some paranormal/astrological additions. They often had people from the audience ask her questions like "Is my dead dog still protecting me?" "I hear a man yelling at night, is he my late alcoholic uncle?" And then Siliva would answer with such arrogance like she knows everything. But on an episode in 2006, she would expose herself as a liar in the future: A black man asked her, "when will America have it's first black president?" She said in 8 to 9 years. Now can someone spell fuckerey? I can: F-U-C-K-E-R-E-Y, FUCKEREY. Serious fuckerey, because it was either her medium doesn't know how to add, or she just pulled that out of her ass (I'm guessing it's the latter), because it only took 2 to 3 years for America to claim her first black presido.
The lesson to be learned is that, we shouldn't be prejudice over zodiac signs. We complain about injustice and prejudice over race, nationality, sex, left-handed people, sexual orientations, height, wealth-class etc, but to be prejudice over birthdays requires mental help.
Thank you all, and Goodness bless.