WHAT KIND OF PERSONALITY DOES YOUR GOD HAVE??

Most atheist who get into debates on the origin of everything usually have to argue against their opponents' (theist, mostly theist who subscribe to an Abrahamic religion) argument; that everything has to have been created from something, and that 'something' is God. Sometimes the atheist would often use their opponents' "everything has a creator" point to ask who created God, and then afterwards the theist contradict themselves and say "God doesn't need to have a creator." Obvious fuckerey. But today, I've come to make a claim that fits into the theistic argument and state that, indeed everything requires a creator even God, and His creator is man. Yes, man created God, in man's image and likeness (notice I said "man's image" because even God is described as a He). Not only did man collectively create God, but humans (men and women) still also individually does so too. If you read the books of the Bible and correlate the books to the author, you can actually tell who the author was simply by analyzing the personality the author gives God. If you read the first five books of the Bible, you find a very angry, judging, jealous, conservative, blood-thirsty, unforgiving and Jewish God. Why? Because the author had all those traits. 


 Moses was Jewish; not only that, he was also very passionate about his Hebrew folks, in fact in Exodus 2:11-12 he kills an Egyptian that was beating a Hebrew brotha. So it wouldn't make any sense for Moses to write, in an adoring manner, about the Egyptian God. That's exactly why even Genesis, another book written by Moses, shows that from the beginning God was in favor of the Hebrews (the promise of Abraham and his offspring). Moses was an angry man, blood-thirsy, judging, unforgiving, conservative; he ordered people to kill each other because they broke a law they knew nothing about Ex 32: 19-29. We can conclude that Moses was a jealous man because of the God he created; a jealous God. If you read Deuteronomy 13 (the whole chapter) you'll know what I'm talking about. Now it is clear and fair to say that Moses was quite an asshole so he made a God that is similar to his character, Jesus on the other hand was the opposite. Moses believed in "an eye for an eye," Jesus believed in "turn the other cheek"; Moses created a million and one do's and don'ts, Jesus created only one, love; Moses created a punishing God, Jesus created a forgiving God. Moses created an exclusive and somewhat racist God, Jesus created an open-to-everyone God. Moses was conservative, and Jesus was liberal, and you can definitely tell from the personality they give God. As a matter of fact, if Jesus lived in Moses's time, Moses woulda called him a blasphemer, and if Moses lived in Jesus's time, Jesus woulda called him a hypocrite (I get this analysis from the way Jesus treated the pharisees who acted like Moses). Even today the same story holds, liberals would say "God loves everyone," conservatives would say "God hates fags." Christian would say "Christianity is the way to God," and Muslim would say "no, Islam is." While some strap a bomb to themselves, go to a populated area and yell "God is great," right before they blow up, and think this action will lead them to Heaven, others think it's their first class ticket to the hottest region of Hell. Yet regardless of the discrepancy, they all believe God is on their side. This is why there is an oxymoron called "holy war."
They all seem to think God is telling them to conquer the other side.


Sidenote: Let's assume this is right, and somehow God would whisper in one's ear and tell him to fight the opposition and that He will be on his side, and then God goes to tell the opposition the same thing just to kick back, eat some heavenly popcorn made out of clouds and entertain himself with the violence that both sides will produce. I'm sure every time some extremists does something extreme in God's name because God told him to do it, God would probably be having fun watching and thinking to himself "Haha stupid mortals." Sometimes I marvel at how many magas God don make pay.


Anyways, God seems to be a superego residing in a believer's head, and since the believer is supposed to love this God, the believer creates the personality for the God that will enable loving the God. That's why people say "God will punish you" to their enemies, because their enemies have to be their superego's enemies as well, and the same logic goes for "God bless you." A good example of this would be Henry XIII of England, who hated the fact that the Catholic church prohibited divorce, so he created his own church; Church of England or Anglican church and in this church they worship a God that is permissive to divorce. So with that being said, why don't you guys tell me what God's personality is like, tell me who your God is from your perspective. Thank you.


Vote for Truth Don Die @ the Nigerian Blog Awards here
Most Controversial Blog

IDEAS DON'T HURT

My people I dey greet. It’s been eons since I contributed to this blog and there is a good chance I have forgotten how to do so. Anyways, I don’t have much to say. I just want to make a book recommendation. Before I do so, I’ll submit this quote.

“It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” –Aristotle

I feel obligated to throway that quote in your faces so as to thaw, at least a little bit, the frozen minds of close-minded subscribers to organized religion. You see, the one thing that I can’t understand is religion inspired close-mindedness that blossoms to the point of treating certain ideas like radioactive waste just because of their origins or labels.

I recall this one scenario; a Krishna worshiper approached moi and one babe like that and starts mouthing off about the nature of his faith. Being the lover of new ideas that I am, I listened intently. All the while, said babe was working tirelessly to discredit everything he said with retorts like “Jesus is Lord. Krishna is of the devil. Meditation is evil.” If I ever wanted to force feed someone a chill pill and trigger an overdose, she was the perfect candidate. The thing that really struck me was her reaction when the guy pulled out the Bhagavad-Gita (Kindda like Krishna scriptures) While I was in awe to see the book Robert Oppenheimer quoted from right after he ushered humanity into the nuclear age, the babe cringed and careened like someone just tossed a demon her way and it was up to her to dodge a possible demonic possession matrix style.

Jeez. It's just a freaking book.

Anyways, what book am I recommending? It's an old book written by a German. It's titled "The Antichrist" and it's authored by Friedrich Nietzsche.

For Christians/Religious folks: The book instructs on how to be best prepared for the arrival of the antichrist. lol.

For all Others: Mr Nietzsche, being a philologist and capable of the finest philosophical thought, presents a well researched/refined view on the psychological origins of Christianity. I personally think his perspective is balanced because he is the kind of agnostic dude that was born into a Christian home, lived that life then veered off. My people, to cut a long story short, I loved the way the guy joins dots meeehn.

If you enjoy 19th century English, like I do, you'll love the translation by "Hollingdale" ( I think that's his name) but if, on the other hand, you no get that kine time there's a more accessible version by "Judith Norman." If I got any of those names wrong, abeg ask google.

Remember Aristotle's quote abeg.

IT MIGHT BE BETTER TO BE LOVED FOR SOMEONE YOU ARE NOT

This blog was nominated for "Most Controversial Blog" at the Nigerian Blog awards, unbehalf of all the contributors on this blog. I say Thank you. Voting begins May 30th so stay tuned for that.

I use to proudly say that it was better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for somebody your not, and I remember a certain satisfaction that came from remembering that quote, especially after somebody who use to know me before, decided that the 'brand new azazel' was not worth having in their life. So the other day sha, my high school friend and I were chatting and so we started talking about deep stuffs. She told me that I had really changed, that she remembers that Azazel of the past was a good christian and cool dude. That back then when I was still in naija, that she even had hope for naija because she thought as long as people like me where around, Nigeria would be saved. She said she always planned to vote for me for Nigerian president and to also get people to vote for me. I then asked her, so would u vote for me now? She said she didn't know anymore, that she was doubtful. And well before I would normally *shrug* @ the entire statement and keep it moving but for some reason it just reminded me of when I was in Naija. A whole lot of parents use to tell their kids to emulate me, that I was a good young man blah blah blah blah. And to be honest those kids were cool kids and I use to teach them some biblical stuffs etc. My friend's statement to me really made me feel guilty and I started to wonder whether I had seriously gone off a cliff because I didn't understand why she would think me being a 'Questioner' was now tantamount to devil worshipping or something. How is it possible that somebody like me had gone from being a 'good example' for kids to being a 'horrible warning' for them?

I watched that show caalled 'What Chili wants' and this chili is a black woman who is searching for a good bf or hubby idk which one. Anywayz during one segment of the show, she had apparently found this one white dude she was feeling seriously. Until she asked this dude what his religious views were and when he said he was 'atheist' her face dropped so fast, she probably needed botox to fix it back up hiss.. That episode of the show made me so mad, not because she harbored prejudice towards atheist men but because her stupid ass had said that on national television. It is so hard for black atheists in yankee to admit that they are atheist within the black community, even some of the people who contribute to this blog wouldn't say they were atheist for fear of being ostracized and marginalized within their families or community. It just made me mad that because of what chili had said, black atheists out there would have to lie about their religious views just to impress a shallow babe like chili? And this idea that no atheist could possibly make a good hubby/bf is simply outrageous. How many socalled God fearing black men out there cheat constantly? How many of them beat up their partners? Let's say 70 percent of black women in the US were religious whether it be christian/islamic etc, I would venture to say about 90 percent of those 70 percent of black women are as shallow as Chili. Personally I am not an atheist, but I feel for every atheist brother out there who has had to hide their true nature because of shallow minded people like Chili.

This brings us to my central question, is it better to be loved for somebody your not?
Or would all of you prefer to be hated for who u are, than loved for who u are  not? 

AT WHAT AGE WOULD PEOPLE IN HEAVEN BE AT????

Blogsville peeps make una no vex, I know it's been a long time since I last blogged. School has been whooping my butt seriously, so that aspect of my life has kept me very busy.


So I and my good friends were watching this movie "The lovely bones". The movie features Matt Damon as a father who's daughter got killed and he's obsessed with finding out who killed her. Anywayz his daughter who was 14 died and her soul was wondering around, so during the movie I and my friend Simon noticed that as every other human being grew older, the soul of the daughter remained her normal age without aging or anything.
I then wondered aloud, whether people don't age in heaven and I left it at that. My friend Simon however pursued it, and he started asking rapid questions.
Questions like : If you die and go to heaven, will you remain the same age as you were in heaven? For example, lets say I died @ the age of 20, will I still remain 20 years old in heaven? What about little babies who die? There are a lot of one, two, three year olds who were just learning how to crawl when they died, does that mean that they will remain that small in heaven? Because the thought of having all them toddlers crawling around heaven on that road  supposedly paved with gold is super hilarious.
Moreover, if indeed there are babies roaming heaven, whereforth shalt their nannies cometh from?


One of my friends told me that in her opinion, the babies will turn into angels when they reach heaven. I asked her how come all humans don't just turn into angels? Why should it only be the babies who get the chance to turn into angels? Me to I can like to have wings and fly around like an angel to nah.


But in all seriousness, lets say you died an 80 year old man or woman would you still have the physical nature of an 80 year old in heaven? And lets say everybody in heaven who was old gets to be young, at what age would they choose for them to return to? 20? 30? And can you imagine a family who went to heaven, and the son is 20, the father now becomes 20, the mother is 20, infact everybody in the family becomes 20. That would be very awkward innit?
So that's why I asked, at what age would people who are in heaven be at?


Seeing as summer is now upon us, I will begin to blog more regularly. I got a new apartment and am moved in and settled already so everything is dandy. Lately, I've come across somepeople who are convinced and I mean convinced that I worship the devil. Like seriously, as per they'll tell me that they can't be friends with me because they think I worship the devil. It takes all my strength not to laugh my head off. It is what it is sha, you can't please everybody. Am about to go do blog rounds

For my Friends

I want to hold you, tell you it will be alright, but I know deep down the venom contained in hypocrisy. I watch you cry when you lose your mothers and I can't show you the way to eternity. Solace is in the mirror. Look at you, look at it. See the lines on your faces...remember when we played in the sand, we threw out boomerangs and now we're all grown; getting hit upside our heads because they finally came back to us. I stare at you, not because I think less of your beings, but because I see your souls. You confide in me and all I do is stare...nod, agree...or not. Your lives turn out so differently from the blueprints we drew together, as we played in the sand...do you remember the times? When innocence was our middle name? Now we are grown, shared experiences, support systems, laughters and tears. I run my fingers along the lines of your various height measures and shrug. You are grown now, we are older...wisdom eludes; the transparency in our semi visible wrinkles...underlying u say? Well, give it time and we'll be closer to skeletons revealed. 


Aging parents, dying caregivers; role reversals, we take turns to be a part of this life cycle. Walking an endless trail, we head to OUR individual destinies. You may mourn me, I may give an eulogy at your demise, but for what shall we account on that day? Our memories, friendship, the traits that set us apart from others...our seeds will grow up prisoners of our footprints, yet we persist. No light at the end of our tunnels, cos truly our caskets will only be illuminated by tears of our mini me's. Heavens of curiosity; favors, quests, times we've shared, spent wisely or in sheer idleness. Love? We have that too, but overtime, it has changed in contextual phases. How many times will we shed together? Will I tell you it's gonna be ok? Or will I still stare and inquire about your innermost desires. Lost in thought, I still can't shed your tears...products of your ducts are unique to your being. 


Back to our rivers of belief, we make a pact to sprinkle our ashes within, maybe someday our souls will create the tides for those who drink from it. I love you...conveniently, but this burden shall not be shared as my heart profusely bleeds; fluids all too familiar...desensitized by our empty streets, your lives have been torn down over and over again yet...conveniently, like a spider web I volunteer to tighten the loose ends. Your pain is yours, and mine is mine, somehow we still permeate...let those tears be a reminder, that trials are just around the corner, let those smiles be an indicator that so am I. Shoulders, ears, arms, heart and all engraved within...someday my friend, we will run through our muds relentlessly and free of worry...someday my friend...we will.

Money On My Mind II: The Gospel of Money

A while back I remember watching TBN on a faithful Sunday. T.D. Jakes was in a Louis Vuitton suit with the matching shoes, I mean, to say this guy didn't not look expensively fly is an act of blasphemy. But what made me remember that sermon wasn't his suit (although that is part of the reason I'll never forget it), it was what he said. Wiping the sweat off his forehead while addressing a pumped-up crowd, he confidently said "You cannot be a Christian and not be rich." Those were his exact words, uncut, unfiltered, and uncensored. Unlike the crowd who seem to accept this as truth from a Man of God, I thought that was a WTF moment. That line got me so interested, that I listened to not only that sermon, but followed up on the rest of the series. And as I paid attention to what he preached, I realized how little sense he was making. He claimed "You cannot be a Christian and not be rich," but when he gave examples of "rich Christians" in the Bible he used guys like Job, Joshua, Abraham, and David. Now if these men he mentioned were to fill out a form that asked them what religion they subscribe to, I'm 100% sure Christianity wouldn't be what they'd check. Because they weren't Christians, they couldn't possibly be because Christianity came waaaayy after their deaths.

Sidenote: Imagine if T.D. Jakes was right and that the real Christians are the rich ones. Imagine what Heaven would be like. Maybe something like this: A man walks up to the gates of Heaven and meets St. Peter. The man tells St. Peter that he read his Bible religiously, and accepted Christ into his heart. St. Peter then checks his bank account to confirm the validity of his claim and finds out the man was pretty broke, St. Peter then tells him "You can not be Christian and not be rich, so I hereby banish you to the lake of fire where you'd meet the unbelievers and the broke-asses, begone!" And then heaven becomes like the Great Gatsby.

And the crazy thing was he didn't even mention an actual Christian from the New Testament. And since all Christians are supposed to be Christ-like and follow Christ, the Christ that they are following wasn't even rich. Infact, he was against the riches of this world and championed the poor. It was the same Christ that said "-it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God! (Heaven)" Matthew 19:24. "For what does a man profit, if he should gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? Mark 8:36. But all these were skillfully edited out from the sermons and replaced with "...we are more than conquerors." Romans 8:37, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13. These verses get added to stir up an emotional response rather than make the congregation think rationally about what Jesus would do. So lemme be the informant and tell you what Jesus would do, he'd do exactly what he did in John2:12-16: He'd make a whip out of cords and flog the living daylight out of the pastor and tell him to "Get out of here! How dare you turn my Father's house into a market!" That's exactly what Jesus would do, and to think about it, that was the one time in all 4 Gospels that Jesus was really pissed. Usually he's an easy going guy, but if you fuck around and try to hustle in his Father's house, else na koboko you go chop. Anyways think how marketed church has become; offerings and tithes have become incomes to the pastors, the offerings are only used to benefit their church and it's staff etc. The CBS 60 Minutes show interviewed Creflo Dollar, a renowned "prosperity preacher" and asked him about why and how he gets so much money, and he answered "NBA players, Actors and Musicians make good money, so why can't I?" It's funny how a "Man of God" compares himself with entertainers. Maybe that's what he really is: an entertainer. Afterall his sermons are highly entertaining. I remember listening to a sermon he made about how he started his church business. He talked about how few people came to his first preaching and how little money he made that night, and then goes on to say how many times he felt like quitting but held steadfast to God's will and look where he is today and so on. This guy judged his success as a Man of God on how many people he has in his church and how much he makes from them, yet his congregation swallowed his propaganda like kool-aid. So I don't put all the blame on the pastor for his message, his audience shares it too. These are people who are just as money hungry as the ones they listen to on Sundays. They go to church and pray and offer their 10% just so that God could bless them with riches as if Christianity is a get-rich religion. Isn't that sad? They ignore the Jesus they are supposed to follow and become zombies to these "prosperity preachers." They have been absolutely fooled to think that they are giving to God by paying the pastor as if God lives in the pastor's bank account. They get lied to so easily, because they use faith instead of logic. One Sunday as I was eating yam porridge for breakfast, TBN was on and this guy said something that made me turn my neck so fast at the TV screen, I almost snapped it. He said "...and America was based on biblical principals such as democracy and capitalism." That's something I expect to hear from Glenn Beck not TBN. But people would be watching this with the American flag on their wall, thinking they are patriots and believing this nonsense 100%, while there is no evidence whatsoever of that claim. First of all, God is anything but democratic, in fact God is more of an autocrat or Communist, second of all, "Capitalism?" That's highly laughable, how propaganda was carefully woven into the Word of God. The next thing they'll be saying is that God is a Republican. This is what religion really is, a smoke-screen for business where men use right-winged ideology to push their agenda. They motivate you by lying to you, telling you God loves and and then asking for 10% of your income. This is the Gospel of Money.

IF THERE WAS A COUP IN HEAVEN, HOW WOULD WE FIND OUT??

Some of you will say that Azazel (abiakwala) has come again with his controversial self, but please make una permit me to entertain your minds for just 5 minutes.

Do any of you think that it is possible for God to be killed? Some of you are like, I cannot believe he just said that but please please before you shut me out, understand why I asked this question. The other day I got to thinking, and I started to wonder why is it that we have this notion that Devil was the 'loser' in the coup that took place in heaven? First Devil got control of the earth and he also controls hell, so what exactly did he lose? He took over God's creation(earth) and now he is known as the prince/king of the earth so in my estimation the devil pretty much gained a significant amount of power. But I digress sha, back to my question about whether God can be killed. The devil is a smart and intelligent guy abi? Now tell me throughout history people who would be former coup leaders have usually done two things to the leaders whom they seek to overthrow. They have either executed the leader or they've thrown the leader in Jail. Now I got to thinking, when Devil was planning this coup d'etat he must have had a plan on how to overthrow God and take the thrown for himself. One does not just plan a coup, without filling in all the blanks. So Devil either had two options when it came to how to get rid of God, he could either 'kill/execute' him or he could throw God in Jail. Apparently, Devil's coup did not suceed 100% but one can say he came out with a few victories. It just makes me wonder sha, what was devil's plan to deal with God if he had won the coup, Kill God? or Throw God in Jail?

Moving on to the title of this blogpost, how would we on earth know if today or tomorrow there was a '2nd Coup' in heaven? Who would come to inform us? BBC/Reuters/CNN/NTA no dey heaven so how would the news reach us? Some of you will say that it is ludicrous to think that there would be a 2nd coup in heaven and to those who would say that, I say to you your thinking is baloney. If Lucifer could scheme in his heart and form the ambition to overthrow God, it is folly to think that another angel or other angels cannot scheme to overthrow God as well. I mean lets think about it, the devil was able to persuade 1/3 of the angels in heaven to follow him. There are several reasons why they would choose to follow God

1. Devil's Charisma

2. Discontent with God's rule

3. Personal Ambitions

I seriously doubt that 1/3 of the angels in heaven followed the devil because of his charisma, I am more inclined to think that they followed him because of their discontent with God's rule. Now if there were 1/3 of angels who were discontent with God's rule, is it not folly to think that there aren't or weren't others left behind who sat on the fence and remained neutral. So if a coup were to happen today in heaven, how exactly would we find out? Most of us would certainly not believe anybody who got 'God/Devil Inspired' to write another Holy Book detailing it as we have become extra cynical and skeptical in this generation so how would we find out about a Coup? 

This weekend I shall be co-hosting Vera's show and I hope it's going to be fun. Yall should tune in and listen. 

Yall see what being a celebrity can lead to? Before when I was a nobody Vera did not invite me on her show, now that I've become a somebody 'Suddenly' they want me on the show. Haha I am kidding o, serious jokes. 

SADISM

There is beauty in the art of sadism. We were taught that light is the opposite of darkness and good has a negative correlation to bad, but I think everything exists for a reason. The bungee jumpers and the fuckers who would dare raise a razor to an innocent child's face. The very existence of both amazes me, and even though our society forces us to be taciturn or ignorant to the beauty in those things that are stigmatized as "evil."

I acknowledge the fact that they are all able to co-exist in the same realm. How dare we label and judge others, all in the name of existentialism or shall I call it pure double standards! I have flaws, so do a lot of you. You want and ask for your loved ones and acquaintances to embrace your flaws and accept them, yet you capitalize on the shortcomings of others and blame it on some subconsciously innate experience that must have shaped their being.

It is convenient, it is pointing a finger at someone, forgetting what happens to the remaining four, it is only natural...we are only human, and we should not let our prejudice nature get the best of us...but don't take it from me, cos I just judged you.

AZAZEL'S 100 POST

I think this post is my 100th post and well I am grateful to blogsville for giving me the oppurtunity to share my 'ideas'. *cough cough*. I remember I started out with the help of Chari and Buttercup and back then I really needed all the help I could get.

A lot has happened to me ever since then, I developed some serious friendships with people I met here on blogsville, every single one of you that I follow is a cool human being.

My first week here was ehn bloody, leggy almost tore me apart but she did not know that the annointing that was in me was greater than the annointing that was in her. Now I and leggy are very good friends.(I Hope?)

Back then I use to mock 'blogsville celebrities' and I use to make sure that I did my blog rounds faithfully so that people would comment back on my own posts... But these days after becoming a blogsville celebrity *cough cough*, me no dey send anymore. If I have time to read your post I read it, if I no get time I don't. Whether you comment on my post or no comment, somebody must sha comment. LWKMD.

Thanks to everyone who supported this blog, and thanks to all my wonderful contributors. A whole lot of the contributors on this blog are people I hold in serious awe. Very smart individuals, even though most of you might not agree with their religious leanings. Somebody asked me the other day why I let 'Messiah' post the God the Pimp post. I have never been the sort of person to censor anybody or anything, whether it be bad or good. I believe that once you put everything out there, reasonable and rationale people can reach conclusions based on what they've read and seen. So to anybody who was offended by that post, you can like to go take a nap or I can call SB to come beat you with a shoe. *I swear I was cracking up when I read that 'I will beat you with a shoe' comment by Sugarbelly*. I think that babe is the female version of me on blogsville, to controversial jare.

Mehn there was a time on blogsville when drama was fun, but seriously though some of these older blogsville chaps should know better than to feed into nonsense that drags them into adversity. Trust me no one loves drama more than me, but as one gets older one tires of it. PEACE BE UNTO ALL OF YOU ON BLOGSVILLE.

Anywayz I wish I could honestly write more personal blogposts, because I think there's a lot of myself that I could share more but people that I don't want to find out about my blog always end up finding out.
I honestly think a lot, and I am deciding whether to stop thinking that much or just take it slow. My dad always tells me that it's only somebody who is comfortable in life that has a lot of time to think about 'outrageous things' and I agree with him. If I was working in Ajegunle/Surulere/Oshodi as a bus conductor, my mind would not be going far places. But seeing as it does, I like it that way.
I've been to the 2Face concert, to the Timaya Concert and it was fun. Btw guys, the Psquare concert will be on July 9th in the Bay Area, Oakland. Contact me if you need more info concerning that.

God the Pimp

Before I speak my mind on this blogpost, I’m going to have to warn my fellow readers that this contains some hardcore shit. This post contains a little bit of sexual references and I’d advice those below the age of 18 and above the age of 72 to please leave. This is also not recommended for the closed minded or for the weak stomachs, and if you accuse people of blaspheming a lot, then you might also want to leave too. This is also not for people with no sense of humor or with little recognition of wit and sarcasm. Since I have taken the precaution to caution the cautious, I thereby have no responsibility over your actions of anger and hate after reading this post. For those of you who dared stay, please feel free to kick back, grab some popcorn, and enjoy a laugh while exercising your ability to think rationally, after all it's only a satire.

First of all, I’m quite an unconventional thinker, what people call life I call a casino, where there are winners and losers, gambling to survive where every decision made could be the last. What people call a kitchen I call a chemistry lab, where cooks become scientists, mixing, boiling and cooking up substances that satisfies the stomach and energizes the rest of the body. And when people say God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, I say God the Pimp. Think about it for a sec. Do you know how many people are currently in a personal relationship with this same man? The other day I was browsing facebook, when I stumbled upon this one lady’s page. On her info, the relationship status read: In a relationship with Jesus Christ. If only she knew that she wasn’t the only one in his life. In fact, He has been cheating on her with many others whom just like her, are in a personal relationship with Him. Now if it were any other guy, the girl would have been heartbroken knowing that she was only one of many, but this Jesus pimping is on a whole ‘nother level. But you know what? I think Jesus got his pimping from his dad, Baba God, just look at the story of Mary aka Iya Jesu: Baba God sent an angel to tell Mary that Baba God wan give am belle. Mary co-operated and that’s how she became Iya Jesu. Now let’s analyze this properly, first of all, God sent an angel to spit game for him. I mean, you wan try levelz? That's equivalent to a man sending his houseboy to go and get a lady in his bedroom. You have to be seriously pimping for that event to occur. Second of all, God did this knowing Mary was already engaged to Joseph. God made Mary CHEAT ON JOSEPH!!! And some of you may be in denial and say, "Well God really didn't have sex with Mary," and I'd have to reply, "how naive are you?" Keep in mind that all throughout the Bible, God was referred to as "He." The only time the word "He" is mentioned is to describe a male specie, or something with a penis. So that actually makes God, a sexual being, and with that as a given we can conclude He had sex with Mary to create Jesus (and might I add, it was also pre-marital sex because God never married Mary). The funny thing is, I'm not the only one who thinks God had sex with Mary, as a matter of fact, this is a common Mormon belief. A little sideshow though; let's look at the story from Mary's perspective. Imagine how flattered this woman would have been. I'm sure she felt like the baddest bitch in town, I can just imagine her friends talking about the boys that have crushes on them, and then Mary killing their conversation with a line like this, "You think you are all that because those small boys want you, let me tell you who is on my jock, Baba God!!" In fact, Mary probably goes down in history as the woman with the best vagina in history, because to have a coochie that is so good that God wants it, it must be the greatest vagina humankind has ever produced. Anyways, back to the topic at hand, if you look at the evidence of God's pimpingship, you don't have to look any further than convents, cloisters, or monasteries where nuns stay. Every single nun you would find there, believes they're married to Jesus (and that's why they don't have sex or marry anyone else). Isn't that remarkable? One man marrying millions of women. With that status, I would have to say forget D'banj, Jesus is the original koko master.

But there is a twist to his pimping, he gets men too. Not all those who claim to be in a personal relationship with Jesus are females, infact most of them are males. Even in the Bible, he always had 12 disciples (or as Pat Condell put it "12 boyfriends") follow him everywhere and where the closest to Him. At the hour of Jesus's capture, one of the 12, kissed him to identify him to the soldiers. Made me think for a sec. There were many other ways of identifying Jesus amidst the little crowd he was in, Judas could have pointed him out, dragged him out, or simply called him out, but he decided to do the most intimate action between a couple (so sacredly intimate that most hookers dread doing this deed, but are more willing to do everything else), he kissed Him. Hmm, makes me really wonder if there is a double meaning to Jesus's quote, "I will make you fishers of men." Anyways, enough of my blasphemy, I just pissed off 2.5 billion people and I think I should pretty much call it a day. And if you're one of the people I pissed off, remember I already warned you. So don't blame me, blame it on the goose got you feeling loose.......