Thursday, December 23, 2010
WHO IS YOUR CONFIDANTE??
So, finals are over and I am on break. So this means that I have time to blog and do things of that nature LOL.
On this fine fine night I find myself waxing in the glory of my thoughts. I just realised that I Azazel have never truly opened up to anybody. Not my parents, not my friends, cousins, priest etc. And most of my friends and I will admit, 80% of my friends are female in nature. And hence my closest confidante's are female.
A confidante by the way is a woman to whom secrets or private matters are disclosed.
Now it got me wondering, whether there are others like me out there who feel the same. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that I have never shared a secret or two with a friend. Everyone of us I assume has that one person in their life that they feel they can be open with 100% (I assume??) And if that is the case, is it not natural to sometimes share some of your deepest secrets with 'said friend/confidante'?
It struck me that I honestly do not have a confidante or friend who I feel comfortable enough sharing all my thoughts with. And I won't use that cliche of 'oh it's because I don't trust anybody' because even though that may be true. It bothers me that for every one time I tell somebody a semi-secret I tell it to them knowing fully well that I can weather the storm if they decide to betray me and tell others what I told them in secret.
I don't know if yall get what I am saying. Basically, anytime I confide in somebody, I do not confide in them fully, even when it seems like I am being forthright or being frank, I am never truly frank or forthright I just let the person/people involved think I am being forthright.
Seeing as the name of this blog is 'Truth Don Die', it is safe to say that a lot of 'truths' have died in me LOL.
I have this one quote I say to myself everytime I find myself not fully confiding in somebody.
It goes like this:
"The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcomings brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide it, is unfit to walk the highway of truth".
Yes I tell people that I seek truth, yet I know deep down within me that I am unfit to walk the highway of truth.
Hence why every 'bio' I have in all my social networks state "Azazel is a liar who always tells the truth".
At least people won't say they were not warned.