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Monday, December 13, 2010

Help me Jesus

Disclaimer: This post is not based on the views of all the writers of this blog but on the sole thoughts of Vanity. These are not hard proven fact just thoughts.

Sometimes it's hard not to fall back into routines. Sometimes it's hard not to say "Help me Jesus" or "Blood of Jesus" or "Jesus" or do the sign of the cross even when I don't believe in him. I know way too much to believe that he exists or even if he existed I know way too much to believe that he is the savior of the world. I know those sayings mean/do nothing. They're about as effective as standing in a mirror and chanting "I'm pretty" because if you're ugly chanting isn't gonna help shit no matter what the self help books say.

But I was raised Christian for about 2/3 of my life, sometimes I find myself slipping into the comfortable glove of ignorance Christianity provides. I would say no offense at this point because I really didn't mean offense but that would be pointless because my last sentence is offensive.

Once in a while I go to church because it is truly refreshing to walk into a place and sit for 2 hours where everybody blindly believes. Positivity and faith is usually the only things in the air at most churches and after the hustle and trauma in everyday life that kind of atmosphere is therapeutic.

It's the same reason I loved being a nanny. Children are so positive and upbeat and trusting and stupidly innocent. I'm rambling. Point is, it's very easy sometimes to let yourself go to a place where things were simpler. When you were ten,your hymen was intact, sex & vagina were dirty words, cigarettes meant you were a heathen, you didn't know 10 different words for weed and Jesus existed.

Sometimes I let my mind go to that time and place and I say "Help me Jesus". It feels good for a moment to let the imaginary friend carry all my burdens. Until I realize, he doesn't exist, he can't help me and I'm going to have to do this shit on my own.

Sigh. I'm having a religious vent. I apologize. Anyways I'm writing a not so flattering piece on Islam. I've typed some of it on here but the rest is in my phone. The only thing stopping me from posting it is that I have a thing for a guy who's Islamic. He reads this blog and will be offended. I think I'm going to post it anyhow as soon as I get my balls back.

If suddenly after I post the piece I disappear, I have been bombed people! Ok that was a joke but apart from losing the guy I'm lowkey afraid that that one of them will find me. They don't play.

Btw if anybody gets the divine idea to preach to me in the comments, shit is gonna get live.


Luminessenze said...

hmmm uhhm, hmm, ok i'm done preaching (don't beat me oh), I just have a question though, do you believe in A higher power atleast (if not Jesus) ? what's ur take on that?

Azazel said...

Oh please so what if he's islamic?
U forget we do not censor in this blog, we write what we feel and we post it and damn the consequences...

Beautiful said...

lol..vanity vanity, my friend my friend, i'm about to preach to u NOW! repent or u will go to hell! and BURN! and be with satan! *now running for cover*

2cute4u said...

I was here.
Would keep reading the comments too and see how you react to them..

doll said...


Tisha said...

My life is not all perfect right now
Everything is not where i want it to be
But that's just it
It doesn't have to be for me to know that i love Jesus
If you don't believe in Him, too bad!
Not going to waste time preaching to you.
Your believing or not believing changes nothing
He is still real.

The law of gravity won't change for you.

Vanity said...

@Luminessenze I believe in a higher power.

@Azazel LMFao I will post it soon as I finish it

@Beautiful LOL I will get back to you on that

@2cute4u um ok. xox

@doll hmm?

@Tisha gravity is real and proven and not based on an outdated book that have been proven over and over again to be faulty.


Realist said...

i have not yet gotten to the stage that i openly say he doesnt exist. I have my doubts but i fear hell and i feel like it is because i am away from Nigeria so i tend to forget all the signs of demonic activity that i have seen. Then i look back and think did i actually see demonic activity or did i just hear about it from everyone? IDK? i am conflicted with my inquisitive mind and my fear of hell...

so yea...

Nutty J said...

yeye are not serious.

Or maybe you are...cos now it sounds like you are trying to convince yourself (not us)and you desperatly need people to see the 'light' with u

I mean if you dont believe, then why bother talk about ur unbelief over and over again? I know roses are red, but you dont see me trying to convince anyone of that do u?

So perhaps you do not totally agree with your unbelief and you need to keep stressing it so that ur inner man wud agree with you too...

Kpele ooo...I know say na you make urself. As for me, no be me create myself so I believe in God, Jesus, Holy Spirit

I also believe in you babes...

Anonymous said...

I hadn't noticed before in my searches!
your post is useful to me,i have add to my bookmark.

Tisha said...

You believe gravity because it has been proven

That is equal to say you'll believe Jesus when you are in hell.

I did not wait to jump down from a storey building before believing in gravity
why should you wait?

Vanity said...

@Nutty I am neither trying to convert nor convince. I was venting. Sometimes my mind gets conflicted that was the post's purpose. Read closely

@Tisha You don't have to jump down a building to prove gravity, just drop an apple. But if the fear of hell is my reason to believe then I'll pass.


El-Divine said...

Ive missed all the action due to my walkabouts eh. but i was here sha...nice post V.

Ramblings Of A Retarded Young Woman said...

Funny i I kinda just stumbled on this blog...but I'm glad I did...I love this post...and sometimes I can relate to how you feel....but I believe in Jesus...I wish I didnt wld be so much easier if I didn't ..but I know and have seen too much to doubt his existence.
I hope you believe in something though..

OsHa said...

phahaha how live is shit gonna get? For really really? Can it get even liver, besides you sayin my name bitch! You better be lucky I aint wannt shit on you face bitch and make shit live! While you havin fun bitch I AM HAPPY! Get liver bitch! And NAHHH Christdont exist! for me or you!