Disclaimer: This post is not based on the views of all the writers of this blog but on the sole thoughts of Vanity. These are not hard proven fact just thoughts.
Sometimes it's hard not to fall back into routines. Sometimes it's hard not to say "Help me Jesus" or "Blood of Jesus" or "Jesus" or do the sign of the cross even when I don't believe in him. I know way too much to believe that he exists or even if he existed I know way too much to believe that he is the savior of the world. I know those sayings mean/do nothing. They're about as effective as standing in a mirror and chanting "I'm pretty" because if you're ugly chanting isn't gonna help shit no matter what the self help books say.
But I was raised Christian for about 2/3 of my life, sometimes I find myself slipping into the comfortable glove of ignorance Christianity provides. I would say no offense at this point because I really didn't mean offense but that would be pointless because my last sentence is offensive.
Once in a while I go to church because it is truly refreshing to walk into a place and sit for 2 hours where everybody blindly believes. Positivity and faith is usually the only things in the air at most churches and after the hustle and trauma in everyday life that kind of atmosphere is therapeutic.
It's the same reason I loved being a nanny. Children are so positive and upbeat and trusting and stupidly innocent. I'm rambling. Point is, it's very easy sometimes to let yourself go to a place where things were simpler. When you were ten,your hymen was intact, sex & vagina were dirty words, cigarettes meant you were a heathen, you didn't know 10 different words for weed and Jesus existed.
Sometimes I let my mind go to that time and place and I say "Help me Jesus". It feels good for a moment to let the imaginary friend carry all my burdens. Until I realize, he doesn't exist, he can't help me and I'm going to have to do this shit on my own.
Sigh. I'm having a religious vent. I apologize. Anyways I'm writing a not so flattering piece on Islam. I've typed some of it on here but the rest is in my phone. The only thing stopping me from posting it is that I have a thing for a guy who's Islamic. He reads this blog and will be offended. I think I'm going to post it anyhow as soon as I get my balls back.
If suddenly after I post the piece I disappear, I have been bombed people! Ok that was a joke but apart from losing the guy I'm lowkey afraid that that one of them will find me. They don't play.
Btw if anybody gets the divine idea to preach to me in the comments, shit is gonna get live.