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Monday, March 29, 2010

I DO NOT WANT TO LOSE MYSELF....




For the first time in a longest time I can remember, I have had to censor myself. And well I've always dreaded the day where I would have to censor my thought, not my speech. It's easy for mostly every human being to censor their speech but when it comes to censoring thought that's a totally different level for me. (I swear I feel so guilty that I've not blog runs in a whole week, to say that I've been busy would be an understatement, make una forgive me o. Am doing blogrounds right now though)

I can't share what happened because well that's just the situation, but what I've learnt today really opened my eyes to something. My blog name truly deserves it's name, truth don die indeed. Blogsville peeps I have a question for all of you, lets say a lot of people believe in something that brings them happiness/inspiration but that  belief is not based in truth but in half lies/full lies is it OK to challenge it or even try to criticize it seeing as it brings a whole lot of joy and happiness to people? What do you think?

In my school I got a job and the nature of my job means that I get to advocate social justice, promote diversity and encourage empathy among everybody. Basically in that job there is a lot of political correctness that is expected from the employees at this place. I did not realise till today that just because of that job, I now have to watch what I say, how I think and even the questions I ask. All of you know that I love asking questions and sometimes I tend to ask a lot of probing questions. Now in my job I am suppose to 'bring people together' and 'alleviate tension' but I've started observing somethings. Some of the people that work there would rather sacrifice 'free thought' just so as everyone/everybody is appeased and I've been asking myself is it really worth it? They preach political correctness but I feel that they should start preaching 'Political honesty'. Has anybody heard that song by Gavin Degraw? It's called 'I don't want to be' that's honestly how I feel right now. If this job I got is going to make me be one of those people who would prefer sweeping issues under the rug just for the purpose of illegitimate peace then my heart is never going to be fully into the job. Because at this job, I get to put on workshops and host forums and I am the kind of person when I speak about something I can usually tell when people feel like I am speaking from the heart, but if I do not believe in what am doing then people are going to view me as phony.

Well I don't know if this post makes sense but this whole thing is really saddening me because I've observed it among adults that as they grow older or as they become older people find it harder to maintain their principles. I mean somepeople still hold on to a few of them in private but majority of people I believe when faced with either 'money from a job' over their 'principles' will choose the money. Somepeople then start to say that wisdom comes with age, but I tend to disagree. Most people don't become wise as they age they become weary, they start to question whether it is worth the effort to actually 'ask questions'. And in the back of my mind I always knew that the day would come when I would censor myself from asking a question because I either feared physical harm to myself or I feared being cut off from financial support. And I know deep down that if I ever sink to low that I become so scared to ask questions that I feel are necessary for my progress as a human being, life would not be worth living for me ever. `Blogsville peeps I am really sorry for taking sometime to update, but I have been busy with school and a couple of other things. I never thought I would see the day when I would get tired of blogging but truth be told I really am falling out of love with blogging. *sigh*.

But back to my topic sha, I am the kind of person if I find out that I have truly offended someone I am quick to apologise if I am in the wrong. Sometimes when I ask questions of people's beliefs they accuse me of disrespecting their beliefs and I wonder. Is it possible to disrespect a person's beliefs by asking tomany questions?

But I have a question to all the ladies on blogsville, see I am assuming that all of you are ladies o, not vagabonds lol. But can someone please explain to me why some women after discovering that their fiance/boyfriend/husband has been cheating on them go confront the lady that the husband has been cheating on them on through mediums such as 'texting/phone/facebook/email'. Why would you bother sending facebook messages to the woman he's cheating on you on? When you can confront him and him alone? This is just something I've never understood about certain women.

26 comments:

EDJ said...

First! Also congratulations on finding a job in school. Now off to read the rest of the post.

Fabulo-la said...

Lool. I see your dilemma, not that it is funny. But I think this is where you begin to learn Diplomacy. You dont have to censor your thought, it shouldn't get to that.
At least we hope not.

Hope you are good sha?

Fragilelooks said...

i consida it foolish to start sending hate mails to ur BF/HUBBY OR WATEVAS GURLFREND. SORT D ISSUE WIT UR MATE JO. CONGRATS ON UR JOB O. BT I SENSE DISCOMFORT. THINK IT THRU BT IF U CNT HANDLE IT, DN QUIT.

Myne Whitman said...

Political honesty is all well and good but will it lead to peace? Are you willing to sacrifice human lives for your say it as it is? Because it may come to that. Like Fabulola said, one has to learn diplomacy and that applies to the first question you asked.

As to the second, abeg let those women answer, lol.

Azazel said...

Lol again Myne what price is this peace gained @???
During the segregation era there was peace in the land, white people were @ peace and blacks knew their place..
was it not until somebody decided to speak out against the ludicrousness of the whole thing that it was challeneged???
MLK says something about that kind of peace, where tension exists but is swept under the rug

Azazel said...

Diplomacy at what cost Fabuola??? During WW2 Prime Minister Chamberlain thought that his diplomacy had stopped the germans from invadin britain, so instead of being assertive they came to the table willing to compromise...
That compromise led to the holocaust, led to the death of a lot of hungarians, polish etc.
Diplomacy is good in some situations and bad in others

Realist said...

I can not say i feel your pain. Because ever since i was small, it was instilled in me to censore myself, it was called tact... But on the women issue, its because they do not want to face the actual problem. Its like attacking the symptom of disease rather than the cure. They do not want to face that the person they love is actually doing this things, so they face the person they have no emotional connection to. Its denial.

Azazel said...

Lol tact also plays a part ino our world no doubt stefan.. But again I say if ur in a restaurant and u see a black man being racially insulted by a white and u stand by and watch it happen for the sake of 'tact' or just because u don't want to cause a scene u tacitly support the racist actions of that restaurant owner

BBB said...

i would have said diplomacy
but obviously uve already proved that it wont work
u just have to know whats more important saying ur piece
or living ur life...

those girls really baffle me sha..
but i guess until ur in their shoes u neva really know

2cute4u said...

congrats on the job.I would like to think that sometimes even though its cool to always say it the way it is, Constraint depicts maturity.and you do that given the circumstance not the hurt someone's feelings, you could always do it the the nicer way but like I said, given the circumstance.
Old people don't slack with age but they come to see understand through experience that its better to exercise caution when talking. Its all about age,maturity and diplomacy.
You're right on the girlfriend issue.Trouble isnt between you an d chic but the cheating boyfriend.

The Girl with the Red Hair said...

I see and feel you dilemma.
You don't have to censor your thought but you have to censor your speech which is pretty hard and still find it difficult to do myself.
For me all those women just love give themselves hypertension.

EDJ said...

Azazel, if anybody asked me I would have said you were a naturally jaded person, but I now see that you are actually inhaling too many hippy fumes in California.

Mind you, I am not saying people should keep quiet when something wrong is happening. You are right about MLK and the civil rights movement, what they did wasn't politically correct but it was morally correct. HOWEVER, you have an on-campus job at a school you will soon leave and hopefully never look back to. Is this really the place to start "political honesty?".

@ "If this job I got is going to make me be one of those people who would prefer sweeping issues under the rug just for the purpose of illegitimate peace then my heart is never going to be fully into the job."

Then quit and be broke but principled.

"Most people don't become wise as they age they become weary, they start to question whether it is worth the effort to actually 'ask questions'."

Yes, it is called self-preservation.


"And I know deep down that if I ever sink to low that I become so scared to ask questions that I feel are necessary for my progress as a human being, life would not be worth living for me ever."

{insert sad violin music here). Bros, you have to pick your battles. Political correctness is not going anywhere. You can either keep certain things to yourself, or turn into that guy always spewing verbal vomit. If you choose option 2 I hope you are prepared for a difficult road ahead.

There is always option 3. Exercise tact and work your way up until you are at the point where almost nothing can "impact" you, then proceed to spew verbal vomit. That may or may not work for you. Good luck.

Azazel said...

Ha EDJ I love ur comment..
But u say that I should not practice political honesty @ my job on campus, if I can't practice it there, is it when I start working full time that I'll start??
Moreover ur idea about using tact to work my way up to the top, see that would normally appeal to me but how many men and women do u know get to the top while still remaning morally intact??? How many? U urself know that in other to get to the top in this country u have to betray people, u have to outright lie to people so what then does it gain a man to use all the tact in the world to get to the top yet lose his moral fiber???

The Girl
Thanks for feeling my pain lol

El-Divine said...

ppl have been where you are many times before. truth is, unless you learn to give ppl room for their egos, there could be no possibility of working or living together. my guess is that you have already figured that out, but you do not want to accept it. Instead, you rebel against it...which is one hallmark of youth. the old ppl you talk abt, they are indeed wiser. you know why? cos theyve realised that the only person in this world they cn change is themselves, the rest of the world, you just hv to find a way to live with, hence political correctness. you on the other hand still hold ideas of changing everyone...and like i said, countless ppl have been there before. its only a testament to its futility that our world is still as sucky as ever

LucidLilith said...

Yes oh i want to have that question answered too. Why do we confront the other woman.

Btw- you new job sounds very important. There is politics in every aspect of life. That's how it is. Just learn to play the game. Put on a mask at work. Take it off when you leave, period.

Realist said...

there is a difference between tact and being scared to speak... Tact is polite, the other scenario is being scared

sosexy said...

New here.So you go for disregard of diplomacy huh?ok..So I totally hope you don't mind when I say that even when you posts are engaging ,you're opinioted,immature and proud.How about that for saying it as it is?Common, you should try diplomacy.Nice post.be back

Azazel said...

@ sosexy
As expressed earlier I am for diplomacy in some cases and principles in others. In future read through the comments and know what u are talking about before you speak. Thanks

sosexy said...

I can see you didn't appreciate my honesty..Thought you said you didnt want to lose yourself by being diplomatic?That Was How i understood it.Thank you Azazel.

Azazel said...

NNRkadiI did appreciate your honesty, I was correcting your misstatement

The Messiah said...

When in Rome do as the Romans do. It's part of adaptation Azazel, if the environment can't adapt to you, then you have to adapt to it. If it is entirely impossible to adapt, then you must flee in order to ensure your survival. And you don't have to lose yourself, you just have to hide it. And then when you're off work you can release yourself. I'm guessing this blog would be a perfect venue for that.

rayo said...

ive neva understood girls who throw daggers at eachother instead of comin togeda nd treatn d assholes fuck up. ur prob is wt ur man nt d oda woman who maynt evn kno she's only d oda woman...

Sugabelly said...

Because Nigerian women are raised to believe that other women are evil/the cause of the problem when the TRUE cause of the problem are men.

I wonder too.

Nice Anon said...

If there is any confrontation going on then it should be towards the man who lays next to you everynight to promise undying love to you. Wetin the other woman got to do with it?

F said...

Political correctness... The irony of that term is so hilarious considering how INcorrect and ridiculous the concept is. We live in an age of euphemisms. Rude students without home training = "Challenging" kids. Stupidity = "Political Correctness". Na wa.

The very problem this supposed idiocy is supposed to solve- prejudice- is being perpetuated by sweeping matters under the rug. The resentment it builds makes the people supposed to be united by all this "Mr Nice Guy" nonsense hate each other. It festers and simmers until opinions boil over, forming stupid racist parties like the BNP here in the UK. I don't even want to start with that one.

If discussion was opened up, then maybe we would understand other points of view better. MAYBE, our own opinions could be better informed. But no. How dare you call me black? I am "a British citizen of African descent".

About we women... It's all denial. Believing your man was kidnapped by the Wicked Witch of the West feels much better than admitting he doesn't want you. It never occurs to you that the witch sat down jejely on her broom and it was the man who flew to her side.

Forgive the epistle... Me sef no know how the thing take long like this... LOL

Otas said...

It depends. I f the other woman is someone I know like a bestie or sister then Both the man and the other woman's asses are going down!!

Otherwise watch me plan with the other woman to fuck the idiot up! Mscheww