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Wednesday, May 25, 2011


So I've been MIA for a little bit, been busy with a whole host of things. I've been meaning to blog about this topic which concentrates on what I wish my parents would have told me as a child and what I've found out as an adult. I made up my mind that if I ever had kids, I would keep it real with them and tell them the truth about situations as much as possible. No lies.

1. First of all I would tell my kids that Life is severely complicated. Morality is not always black and white, there is a lot of gray in between. I would tell my kids that role models are human beings first and foremost and to never place tomuch faith in any man or woman, because human beings disappoint.

2. When it came to matters of religion, I would tell my kids that up until they turned 18 they would adhere to what ever religion was practiced at my household but once they turned 18 they would be free to pursue any religion they wished to pursue.

3. I would tell my kids about the concept of death and what it meant for the lives they intended to live. That Death is a permanent fixture in human life.

4. Concerning matters of the heart, I would tell my son that if he found a woman worth losing his self respect for, that would be the woman he should be with. And to my daughter, I would advice her that no man was worth losing her self respect for.

5. I would advice my kids to focus more on their character than on their reputations. A lot of nigerian parents focus more on the reputation of their kids than with their character, they are constantly processing things through the prism of how it would affect their family name. Most nigerian parents have figured that it is easier to have a bad conscience than to have a bad reputation. I would tell my kids to stay true to themselves no matter what and even when they made mistakes, they should still hold their heads high.

6. I would tell my kids that humility is a good trait but there is a bad kind of humility. There is a modesty that is based on what people think about you and that is the worst type of humility a person can have. Somepeople are modest because they realize it would be good for "appearances", when in their heart of hearts they have the ego of a giant. I would tell them to watch out for that kind of humility and only to display humility if it came from the heart.

7. I would warn my kids about the influence of "appearances" in the world. Things and people are not always what they seem/appear to be. Few people would rise to their esteem upon closer scrutiny. A lot of people are fooled by appearances and I would tell them to beware of falling for appearances.

8. Growing up as a Kid, everybody played that game in which we were all asked "what we wanted to be when we grew up"? At that time, we all gave answers to those questions with our hopes high and shit LOL. Our parents never told us about the sacrifices one would have to make in order to achieve those dreams, they never told us we might have to betray our friends/principles just to get that promotion or just to get in through the door. They never tell us we might have to tell a lie or two just to pad our resumes, they left those important details out.

9. I would tell my kids that human beings are extremely fickle. They'll love you today and turn against you tomorrow, they will fade with the wind so be careful putting their faith in the masses. They are easily easily swayed, so never be bothered when they don't hold you in high esteem, because one action on your part can sway them in the opposite direction.

10. I would encourage my kids to always work on improving their flaws but never run away from admitting them because of shame. I would tell my kids that "shame" is one of the main causes of human misery in this world. The things people will do just to avoid shame is actually shameful, no pun intended. Accept your flaws, embrace them and if they can be changed, change them, if not.. *shrugs*

11. I would instill in my kids the value of a sense of humor. They should never stop laughing even in times of sorrow and pain, laughter heals all.

12. I would tell my kids that the easiest thing in the world to do is to be you. The most difficult thing is to be what other people want you to be. Don't let anybody put you in a position where you can't be you.

I can only think of these twelve things for now, if I remember more I'll update the post. Please Share with me, what you would like to tell your own kids if and when you have yours.


Prism of an immigrant said...

I like number 6,7, and 10

Realist said...

Mehn 11 hit home to me, i have been laughing all day at my misery. These are all gems, and things we need to survive. But you forgot to remember to tell your kid the most important thing. That you love them. Especially the boy. Might sound cheesy and whatnot but there are a lot of Nigerian dads who will not tell their son that because it is not manly. Just saying those words and showing it can greatly help the child. There goes my cheesy comment of the week. And yes i would like some wine with my cheese... lol

Azazel said...

U are right Realist..
A lot of nigerian parents don't say that to their young kids, and when they now start saying it when they are adults, it sounds very awkward.. So yes I will also incorporate that.

Deep Soul said...

Oh I love 11. Humour does it for me!

But I'm not so sure I fully agree with this theory of giving ur kids and oral manual for life. Life has no manuals. Try as you may, nothing is gonna quite prepare them for the crazy journey that is life....they have got to experience it firsthand....and that's when it truly sticks...