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Saturday, November 6, 2010

WHEN PERCEPTION AFFECTS REALITY





Ok I am here to vent a little, ok a lot, ok more than a lot I want to vent my frustrations for the past 4 months. 


Recently and by recent I mean for the last 6 months or so, I have started to enter this 'promoting' business. Promoters as you all know make social networks very irritating by their constant harassing of people by their messages, or tags or events. Well I got into that business and well I to have turned to doing the very same thing which I used to detest back in 07 or 08.


Ok here lies my problem, for my last event I really went all out, brought in most of my friends to help me push this event and as the event went on, and everybody was noticing how huge it was going to be, some of my close friends started telling me that I had 'changed'. At that time, I was laughing it off, that they couldn't be serious. Why would an event change me? Nothing is that serious. But some of them kept reiterating the same thing, and I swear I still do not believe that I've changed one bit. The scale of the event demanded that it be promoted intensely, most people did not understand the full details behind the planning of the event hence like with everything else in life, people started making assumptions with no facts to back it up. 


Well the event is over now, it was done back in October and 3 of our contributors on this very blog were in attendance. What especially grinds my gears is the fact that I have not spoken to some of my close friends since my event ended, and they have not spoken to me either. I feel like there is this whole 'PERCEPTION PROBLEM' between I and them. They perceive that I have changed, all about money and events/parties and I on my part have let their perception of me affect my own perception of them and the reality of the whole situation has been lost in the whole damn mix. Normally, I would reach out to see what the problem was, but in this instance I just know deep down that the perception they've developed of me is one of those perceptions which can not be easily shaken. If I try to prove to them that their perception is not true, all it would serve to do is make me look like am living a lie in order to prove to them that their perception is not real. Personally, I am not one to maintain an illusion just to please a mere human being, nobody is worth living a lie for.


And lowkey, there is this thing when it comes to Nigerians and yes I do intend to generalise with this comment. Most Nigerians have this innate thing in them that make them instantly 'envy or hate' on a person's success. And I won't lie, I am not different, I have found myself on several occasions hating on a person's success and I usually always have to chide myself for not being more positive. But I just don't get why Nigerians are like though, every single one of them wants to be fettered to. Wants to be made to feel important lol and when you don't do it, they'll hold it against you. 


I came across this quote that said 'Nothing in the affairs of men is worthy of great anxiety'.
And it spoke to me greatly, because until some people learn to stop taking life and the things in it that seriously, they will never fully appreciate it. 


I think I digress sha, I just hate the fact that this 'Perception Problem' is affecting my close friendships. 


Before I leave, can somebody explain to me what it means to live and die with honor? That  question has been plaguing me for awhile now.

13 comments:

Realist said...

just one question. If they let this "perception" cloud reality, were they really your friends? And if they were your friends, do you really want them to stay as your friends? Ok i lied, 2 questions.

I really do not know anything about the situation, but i can guarantee you that you changed... everything we do in life changes us to an extent. And with those changes people leave us or join us and the special few stay with us.

I do not think it is only Nigerians, it is humans as a whole, our instinct is too hate. It is up to us to curb this instinct.

Myne Whitman said...

And lowkey, there is this thing when it comes to Nigerians and yes I do intend to generalise with this comment. Most Nigerians have this innate thing in them that make them instantly 'envy or hate' on a person's success. And I won't lie, I am not different, I have found myself on several occasions hating on a person's success and I usually always have to chide myself for not being more positive. But I just don't get why Nigerians are like though, every single one of them wants to be fettered to. Wants to be made to feel important lol and when you don't do it, they'll hold it against you.

__________

GBAM! Tell me about it.

I think you should reach out to your friends sha. Otherwise you're also allowing perception to affect you. Reach out first before jumping to conclusions on their reactions. All the best.

I think the meaning of honor explains your last question.

Azazel said...

Lol two good questions..
But then in reverse, if I was really their friend I would not let their failure to see past the perception cloud, stop me from reaching out to them to try to explain my self.
And why would they want to stay with a friend who is unwilling to correct their errors in judgement?

Azazel said...

Thanks Myne, I agree I think you are right..
But I doubt I'll be reaching out anytime soon. Not mentally ready for it yet

StandTall-The Activist said...

To live and die with honor? I aint no Samurai, so sorry I can't help. lol

Realist said...

Maybe i am not a good friend but this is how i see it and how i deal with my friendships... since you were not the one that "stopped" the friendship, it is not on you to reach out. You reaching out is putting you in a situation like you need them. And i can guarantee you if you reach out and everything becomes cool again, the situation will repeat itself down the lines. Some people are just not meant to be friends with you, or one or both of you just needs to mature on their own before the friendship can continue.

StandTall-The Activist said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
StandTall-The Activist said...

And now that I got that joke out of my system, you are right, there is nothing worth living a lie for. It is good to be truth to oneself and let people see you for who you are. They will come to term even if their percpetion blinded them to the reality at first. My moto is to do what is fair to human race and respect people's fundamental rights. Anything outside that, I can be mean and tough if I can put it that way.

So, dying with honour for me, will be to be true to oneself.

And Realist has put everything in a realistic perspective!

Realist said...

lol @Stand-Tall "And Realist has put everything in a realistic perspective!"

i do what i can

The Messiah said...

Two general thoughts on this:

1. Unless the perception is reality based, perception isn't reality. So in a sense, your friends are deluded.

2. Change is an inevitable constant. You either change to progress or fall off. If your friends have problems with change (which is an inevitable part of life) then they are twice as deluded.

doll said...

i guess it means standing for what you believe in till the point of death..like the Spartans, death in the arena is death of honor, etc

2cute4u said...

I get the feeling.. Like totally!
Just live your life and as far as you're confident that you have nothing to worry about, I'm sure the real friends would come around and 'hang' their hangups

Vanity said...

As your friend of 4 years you have changed a lot some of it good, some of it bad but still even I have maybe changed. Change happens just make sure as we change we don't lose ourselves in the process. I think you're losing yourself just a little or maybe your finding a new part of yourself idk