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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Marriage 3. The Finale


Blogsville, I’m baaaaack. To be absolutely honest, I miss this great town called Blogsville, where great ideas are shared like stocks on wall street. Anyways, my absence has been due to my busy schedule of late, and also because it is Fall Season (meaning a lot of great TV: NFL, EPL, Dexter, NBA, etc). But for my arrival back, I intend to put closure on the Marriage sequel, thus making it a trilogy. After all, things are usually better in threes; 3D, Holy Trinity, threesomes, Star Trek Trilogy, Three Wise Men etc. Today I continue my bashing of marriage, by talking about the socio-cultural aspects of it. Like most of you, I’ve heard a lot of ignorant statements from people about who they want their “future spouse” to be (or not to be). In high school, I was close friends with this Asian chick, but her ignorance dulled me a lot. She once told me that she can never date a colored person. First of all, I hate that term colored person/people with a fucking passion, because it’s used as a synonym for blacks, which makes no sense being that black is the absence of color, so to call a black person colored is quite paradoxical. Anyways, I asked the chick why she felt that way, and she was like “I don’t know, I just can’t date ‘em.” Of course it should be no surprise to y’all that our friendship didn’t last, not because she wouldn’t date black guys (I was far from being interested in her), but because of her over stupidity. Now when/if she does get married to a guy with the right skin color, and her kids decide they want to get “chocolate wasted,” how would you think their stupid mom would react? Let me leave you with that to ponder, but in a broader sense, this is how ignorance is handed down by generation, it starts with one stupid parent at a time.



At my work place, I deal with customers (mainly females) from all races, my boss notices how well I interact with the most of the customers, especially the classy ones. However, only a few of the black customers are classy, those I get along with nicely, but the majority of the black chics tend to be ghetto as fuck. Some walk in with medium French fries and grease all over their hand and mouth and then request you pull out some hair for them to “feel.” With that behavior, how am I supposed to treat you respectfully? Keep in mind only a few of the black chics that I encounter at the store are classy, whereas most of the chics from other races tend to have less ghetto types. So if we look at the ratio, it is mathematically correct to say that I’m a lot friendlier with females from other races (not because of skin color, but class) than to black chics (although they are some non-black customers that irritate the shit out of me as well). My boss noticed the imbalance of friendliness and labeled me “oko oyinbo,” husband of a white lady. One day, this African woman (what exact country she’s from, I’m not too sure about; maybe Ghana? I know she talked like this: “Thes es theh weh I telk“) came to the store. She was an elderly somebody and pretty classy too. My perception of this woman was impeccable until my boss brought up the “oko oyinbo” topic, then everything went down south from there. She went on a rant about how marrying a non-African is bad for my health, how African girls are raised to be good submissive wives who would cook for you and support you no matter what, and how white women only marry black men because they’re rich. She even said that marrying a foreigner to Africa is a move of a traitor. At this point, arguing with this lady’s over-generalized views was pointless, so I just took all that rubbish with a smile on my face. After all, Sting said “it takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.” This wasn’t even the only encounter of such fuckery that I had to endure; this other African guy from Ethiopia once asked me if I would marry outside my race, I just gave him an I-don’t-know shrug, he then gave me one of those are-you-kidding-me looks and said “You know what’s good for you right?” I just smiled, what else could I fucking do? It seems as though in certain social groups, the freedom to marrying an “outsider” is deeply frowned upon. It annoys me when I hear people say shit like “I can’t marry an Igbo man, they’re too violent on their wives” “I can’t marry a Yoruba chic, they’re too razz for my liking.” When you say ignorant shit like that, I can only wish you marry a non-Igbo wife beater and a non-Yoruba razztafarian. It’s sad how these idiots who make such foolish statements, have once in their lifetime watched tales that have life-altering lessons like Pocahontas or even Avatar.



Although, race and tribalism demonize the concept of marriage beyond it’s original shitty level, peer pressure is by far the most dangerous pathogen that can affect the marriage decision. Unfortunately, this is the most common, especially among women. This goes back to the saying, “if your friends are jumping into the water from the bridge (basically committing suicide), would you join them?” Apparently, a lot of women would. If you’ve ever been inside one of those female discussions about “who’s getting married and who isn’t,” you’d understand what I’m saying. Once, I eavesdropped on one of those convos and I heard something like this “If you’re 30 years old and you’re not married, something is wrong somewhere.” I thought to myself “what fuckery?” I know some 30+ year old beautiful and intelligent women who aren’t married, simply because they are too independent minded for the marriage bullshit. If being independent minded is wrong for a female, then wouldn’t that be an insult to womanhood? However, extraverted females without the independent state of mind tend to fall under the peer pressure their friends create. They realize that all their friends are getting married, but they’re still single, and they get into that extraverted depressed mode of feeling left out. This feeling could lead to desperation and getting themselves married to an incompetent asshole. Funny how your friends could play devil’s advocate and be the villainous ones in your life with the pressure they create.



To wrap up this long ass blog and trilogy, I’ll like to conclude by saying I’m not entirely against the notion of marriage, just against 98% of it. If indeed you should marry, there should only be one deciding factor; love and love only. You should only decide to marry the one or ones that share a strong emotional symbiotic connection with you. But modern marriage seems to drift from this, and that’s exactly why it fails 50% of the time. Modern marriage seems to be more focused on meeting a social status quo, security, selfishness, and producing offspring than it is for love. That’s why I created this sequel, to question the standard marriage and expose the bullshit the overloads it. Anyways, thanks for reading, been a while since I’ve been here and hope I’m not too rusty. Peace.

15 comments:

Myne Whitman said...

You rambled a bit but hit it on the head with the conclusion. It should be all about love, pure and simple.

The Messiah said...

Actually, the rambling was rather significant to the end of the point. If I didn't ramble about how people get married because of peer pressure, or only marry people who they deem "spouse-worthy," and other superficial reasons, then my conclusion wouldn't have hit the point as hard as it did. That or I'm just rusty.

Azazel said...

loved the post, it made very very deep sense to me.
It should all be about love, simple and short.

Anonymous said...

HEY MESSIAH...THIS IS "THAT" ANONYMOUS..lol

loved this! very true and i agree completely!

El-Divine said...

well, i seem to be the only one that differs. Love is simply never enough, in my opinion, it takes far more to make a marriage work.
Self awareness and discipline..then love. And social status helps no be small. All Im saying it, marriage has ALWAYS been a calculation, and chances are, it will continue to be. Love is just the illusion, the icing. A very sweet one at that, but at some point its gonna thin out and u'll have to stick to the rest of the cake.

The Messiah said...

Hmm @ El-Divine, discipline? Really? Sounds like something you need when you get into something unpleasantly necessary. If that's true about marriage, then no wonder it's no fun. And how does social status help? Anyways, if love is simply the icing on the cake (instead of the entire cake itself), then why marry someone you love? Seems unnecessary, after all some cakes don't have icing and still taste good. And if you do marry someone you don't love, then why did you get married in the first place? Excuse me if I'm asking too many questions at once, but I truly want to get your point.

ShadeNonconformist said...

Lol @ medium french fries.

“It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.” Too true..I learn this everyday.

"They realize that all their friends are getting married, but they’re still single, and they get into that extraverted depressed mode of feeling left out." I can't ever get this. I've always said, marriage should never be a do or die thing. If it happens, good& thank God for it. If not, make the most of the life God has blessed you with.

Wait, what if the "one that shares a strong emotional symbiotic connection with you" is lazy as hell, is a wife beater, etc? Honestly love is not always enough, which is very sad. There truly has to be more. Granted love is necessary but it can't be the SOLE reason you choose to marry someone.

rethots said...

Hmmm, marriage unfortunately has been assumed to be the 'end' rather than one of (not a complusion) the means to the 'end'.

The 'end' being, the kind of life one wants to have (eventually). Once this is understood, then, tis much easier to set 'parameters' for marriage.

'Love'???? ...doubt tis ever enough though.

Realist said...

I am with El-Divine, love is not just enough. You need more than it, but for it to work, Love is a necessary ingredient

The Messiah said...

@ShadeNonconformist, well I was a bit careful when I stated "emotional SYMBIOTIC connection" ("symbiotic" being the key word). Symbiotic because it has to be a mutual feeling. Once the mutuality is taken out of the equation, then it becomes parasitism.

And secondly, I think you guys underestimate the strength of love. If you love something, there is nothing you're not willing to sacrifice or discipline for it. This amount of effort and dedication one emotion can produce, makes it the only necessary ingredient for a true union. If your values on marriage are anything but what I described, then your chances are 50/50. With that I say to you; good luck.

Seshe James said...

Interesting Post.

I have to say Key word is LOVE



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StandTall-The Activist said...

Love is sure enough to make marriage work. Isn't love that we make you accept the person as he or she is and both of you would then make your rules out of love? Our interpretation of love at times is faulty and so are so many things we allow to rule our head out of what we have taken to be societal expectation, rules and what have you.


It is not in this time and age that all these started, we are just getting deep in this bullshit and making it complicated.Remember the ancient Yoruba for example, they will go and investigate into a family before they will allow marriage to happen, in fact at times, they were the family will arrange the marriage in the first place.

I was talk to a guy a few yrs ago, he is married but his reason for marrige was so replusive, what was it. He claimed he got married to have a woman to cook and clean and bear his children!!! This is a young chap and a university graduate for that matter. I have heard many that will not marry women older than them cuz they need to control. And many women too that will not get into that marrriage unless you have money and cars.

It is good to chose wisely but this must have nothing to do with material things and tribal or cultural bullshit. Look at the personal traits of these persons and see if their values and life style will make the love you have for them to grow or diminish...

StandTall-The Activist said...

Love is sure enough to make marriage work. Isn't love that we make you accept the person as he or she is and both of you would then make your rules out of love? Our interpretation of love at times is faulty and so are so many things we allow to rule our head out of what we have taken to be societal expectation, rules and what have you.


It is not in this time and age that all these started, we are just getting deep in this bullshit and making it complicated.Remember the ancient Yoruba for example, they will go and investigate into a family before they will allow marriage to happen, in fact at times, they were the family will arrange the marriage in the first place.

I was talk to a guy a few yrs ago, he is married but his reason for marrige was so replusive, what was it. He claimed he got married to have a woman to cook and clean and bear his children!!! This is a young chap and a university graduate for that matter. I have heard many that will not marry women older than them cuz they need to control. And many women too that will not get into that marrriage unless you have money and cars.

It is good to chose wisely but this must have nothing to do with material things and tribal or cultural bullshit. Look at the personal traits of these persons and see if their values and life style will make the love you have for them to grow or diminish...

Vanity said...

Love is what makes a woman stay with a wife beater. Love should be enough but it isnt.

Anonymous said...

Anyone who has a problem with marrying outside their race is lowkey racist...

Love Lami