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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Marriage 2

My last post on marriage was mainly a brief look at the perspective of animal behavior and how the human specie differ and fail at it. But today, I’m going to focus 100% of my thesis on humans, no chimps, wolves, meerkats etc. So to begin, I’ll like to discuss about “love.” Some say “when a man and a woman fall have love for each other, they get married,” or “love brings us all together,” or “love is the answer to world peace” and yadi-yadi-ya. And they are all correct, but the shocking thing is if you ask these people what love means, they either give you a fairy tale answer or come up with bullshit wrapped up in warm emotions. Especially when you ask them what love means in marriage. So I’ll tell you what exactly love is (no bullshit attached), it’s symbiosis. Yes, symbiosis, you learned about this is in Biology: It’s the “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” mode of survival, in other words, mutual-ism. That’s what love really is without the fairy tale bullshit. We can even use maths to prove it; (Substitutive property) if love = symbiosis, then “when a man and a woman have symbiosis for each other, they get married,” “symbiosis brings us all together,” “symbiosis is the answer to world peace.” Seems correct ehn? But I’m sure there are some people who still no gree, so make I break am down berra: love, this form of symbiosis, is mainly trading a physical and/or emotional want/need for another physical and/or emotional want/need. Think of anything you love/loved, if it never (directly or indirectly) met a need or made you feel good emotionally or physically, would you still love it? I’ll give you an example, I love the English footballer, Wayne Rooney simply because the guy is fantastic at what he does, but it wouldn’t be the case if he was just some junkie who lived in a trailer park like this commercial depicted: With that been said, let’s see how symbiosis affects marriages.

There are two fundamental factors that are necessary for marriage; sex and security. Now keep in mind I said they are the FUNDAMENTAL factors, not the ONLY factors, other factors such as respect, culture, religion and so forth play a role too. The reason why those other factors aren’t the fundamental factors is simply because someone who has sex with you and secures you under a roof is a better candidate for marriage than someone who’s from the same culture, practices the same religion and respects you. Now here’s where symbiosis plays a role, in a typical instance, the men are the security guards and the women are the sex symbols. The men see women as trophies to be won, that’s why it’s always the man who has to get the girl. Keep the emphasis on “won” and then remind yourself why it’s called “spittin’ game.” In order to win the babe, you must make her happy and safe, then everything else is a piece of cake. From a typical woman’s perspective, they want a strong and handsome lad to sweep them off their feet, yet feel secure in his arms. But fellas, don’t get it twisted, you can look like Boris Kodjoe, you can sweep her off her feet, give her the best lay she can imagine, but if you can’t secure her, you’re just a booty call not a potential husband. I was watching History Channel a couple of months back, and they had this interesting documentary about the difference between men and women. They conducted a survey where they took an individual portrait-like photos of three men. The first one was like a Reggie Bush type of guy, built like a running back and stunningly handsome, the next was a good looking guy, but not as good-looking as the first, and the last was an average looking guy. They showed random women in public these photos and asked them who “attracts them the most.” And of course, the results were as expected, the Reggie Bush type of guy came in first, good-looking guy second, and average Joe third. But then they flipped the switch, they made the best looking guy have a minimum wage income, the good looking guy have an average income, and the average Joe be a millionaire. And just like that, the results made a 180 degree turn, where the average Joe is #1, good looking guy remains at #2, and Reggie Bush type of guy #3. So you see it fellas? I ain’t saying women are golddiggers, but y’all aint messin’ with no broke niggas. This song right here is a hilarious illustration of this truth from the perspective of the broke nigga:

On the woman’s side, she must prop herself up to be a good sex trophy for her man. That’s why she spends all that time fixing her nails and getting her hair did. Even the non-sexual things she should be good all have to do with sex. For example, she must be smart, so she can give good head; she must cook well, so he eat her out; she must also be a good cleaning maid, so one day he can return the favor by cleaning her pipes. That’s why when a man’s got a good sex trophy, he brags to his friends “yeah, I’m hittin’ that ass,” and when he doesn’t, he says alone to himself “I can do better, I know I can do better.” So ladies definitely know the value of their vaginas and sex, and often hold use it for negotiating purposes, like women who only have sex when they get married. Unfortunately, there is a downside to that, and where’s a parable that depicts it’s negativity:

Mary Anne was a staunch christian, she was beyond born again; she was born thrice. But the thing is the Lord blessed her with the gift of sexiness. 5’5”, endowed upper and lower body, like Kanye West said “she got an ass that would swallow up a G-string, and up top, umm, two beast things,” and to put the icing on the cake, her face was better than anything Michelangelo could sculpt. Even at church, when she sat upfront, the pastor could feel the holy ghost power striking his pants. With the looks she has, many men have dated and tried to make it to her “promise land” but she left them in the desert. Her ideology was simple: “if my finger doesn’t enter your ring, your penis isn’t entering my 'promise land.'” So most men gave up, except for this one guy, who dated her but never asked for sex. She decided to marry him, and on their honeymoon, when she wanted to make him feel like the luckiest man alive, she pulled down his shokoto to find absolutely nothing there. He had a penectomy, that's why he never asked her for sex. Now due to her born thrice beliefs, she can neither have sex outside marriage nor divorce him. She used to have boys fighting over who can hit that, but now the only sex she can get is from a dickless nigga. Happy married life, Mary.

Well ladies, the lesson is simple, have sex before marriage, it reduces your chances of marrying a dickless nigga. With that I conclude, now we know how the symbiosis of sex and security are the backbone of every marriage, in my next post, Marriage 3, I’ll show you how culture plays a role in marriage. If you notice, I used the word “typically” a lot in this blog, and that’s for those of you who would use one instant out of a million to argue. Just like men typically have deep voices and women typically don’t have chest hair, I’m sure you can always bring examples that prove otherwise. Anyways, peace out.


Myne Whitman said...

What a funny logic, from symbiotic marriages to dickless husbands, lol...How are they even related?

EDJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EDJ said...

Once again, logic has been tossed out and been replaced with this mindless nonsense.


Eche when are you going to take your blog back? I think its time for a good old, Christian bashing. Don't tell me you haven't heard about International Burn a Koran Day over in Gainesville, FL

Beautiful said...

This is the most confused post you've ever written. what is the nexus between all the jargon you put up? *smh*

p.s : there is no hard and fast rule to everything, same way a dickless man is 1 in 1000000, is the same way sex before marriage has more cons than pros.

The Messiah said...

I find it funny how women seem to miss the humor in the marriage post. Ha! It seems I have to re-write this post and write red every time I'm being sarcastic. Fyi, the Mary Anne story is a satire, it's exaggerated to make a point.

@Whitman, they are related, remember her ideology, "if my finger doesn’t enter your ring, your penis isn’t entering my 'promise land," that same symbiotic ideology led her to marry a dickless nigga.

@EDJ, mind you, this mindless nonsense is shit I observed, so I guess reality is mindless nonsense

Azazel said...

Looooooooooool this ish was mad funny..
I don't understand why this ladies did not understand the sarcasm

Realist said...

lol, you people have no imagination. "Dickless nigga", what could it mean. A dick is the prime metaphor or embodiment of manhood. So a dickless nigga is one who is not really a man. So in essence if the dude was a real man he would want to tap that ass b4 marriage. So if you find a dude willing to wait, he is prolly some punk ass, effeminate due that is not man enough for a woman.

Of course i completely disagree with this.

Funny post homie. There is a lot of truth in it. There is no love when u are not getting anything in return...

El-Divine said...

hhahaha...i laffed thru the whole post.
ur sense of humor is so unbeleivable..and in a lot of ways I agree with u. i mean, u gats test drive before u move the car off the lot.

Vanity said...

Bwahahahahaha I am LMAO. Like negro where do you come up with this?

"Yes, symbiosis, you learned about this is in Biology: It’s the “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” mode of survival, in other words, mutual-ism. That’s what love really is without the fairy tale bullshit."

Eh you no lie! I now have a perfect definition of love, I dare someone to ask me what love means to me.

I do have a problem with you generalizing that we all need strong men especially since some of us are BI/lesbians but I get your humor.

@EDJ "I think its time for a good old, Christian bashing." I bash bible/Christianity una complain. Pesin no bash Christianity una complain, na wetin?

@Beautiful, "sex before marriage has more cons than pros." That is not true at all and you have just inspired my next post

The Messiah said...

@Azazel, well at least it's only 1/4 of the women get it so far.

@Realist, thank you for the explanation. You saved me another post

@El-Divine, "i mean, u gats test drive before u move the car off the lot." Exactly.

@Vanity, "@EDJ "I think its time for a good old, Christian bashing." I bash bible/Christianity una complain. Pesin no bash Christianity una complain, na wetin?" Thank you jare.

And for the generalization that women need strong men, I put "typically" so I'm not really generalizing. I'm not saying ALL women, I'm just saying, typically

Mz.T said...

LMAO at "Well ladies, the lesson is simple, have sex before marriage, it reduces your chances of marrying a dickless nigga."...

Entertaining write up.

LucidLilith said...

Well, am back for my weekly entertainment on 'Ruth don die'

This post is funny no be small... and quite truthfull in a general way. But I feel you did not talk about people who marry just for companionship, or just for kids, or just because everyone they know is married, or just because that was the next logical thing to do....

There are so many reasons people marry outside all the games and mind tricks you mentioned.

Realist said...


ha!!! Ruth don die? who kill am?

Anyaposh said...

oh shit, you're so wrong! that dickless nigga theory was hilarious... that punchline of that metaphor hit home hard.

Fragilelooks said...

lmao. u just made my day


In fact, the writer of this post needs to go for check up! lol *just kidding*

Love aint no symbiosis o. lol


Kparaga said...

haha This blog is hilarious.

ABout the whole love-symbiosis thing...IMO it doesn't work too well. Love, at least in this context, is a specific emotion. Many sybiotic relationships exist in which parties involved don't feel this emotion towards each other so equating both seems kinda flawed to me. An example that comes to mind is lobbyist-politician. They need each other, scratch the shit out of each other's backs, but probably want each other dead. That sounds like a marriage to me, but not anything like love.

StandTall-The Activist said...

Ah, you do not know there are women with airy chest?

Must marriage be about security? Whose security, what security? Even it has being shown that many govt cannot provide security for their citizens, so my dear, I need to think of my security as a person and not depend on marriage to provide that. I mean SECURITY in all its ramification.

You know even having sex at before marriage does not mean libido will not be lost or that impotency cannot set in at any time.

I think it makes more sense when two people trully want to be together because the have chemisty for each other (call it love). It is even more interesting when they know that it goes beyond chemistry (the feeling) but that respect for EACH OTHER is important. Just like your issue with the bible, I have issues with culture, tradition or all these stupid rules of trully legal slavery that people allow to rule them in this so call MARRIAGE.

Fine, people should be responsible, people should be principled and have values for themselves outside that, you can make up your own rules within your fundamental human rights to guide your marriage.

Yeah, I forgot, aren't you advising women that choose not to have sex until marriage to pls give it a go? Don't forget that sex can be used as a weapon for peoples dignity to be affected. What I am saying is for those who want to do no sex until marriage, two things can happen, he or she is good in bed or not. If it is the latter, it might be a workable issue and if it is so bad they cant work at it, they can't part ways na.

The Messiah said...

@Kparaga, good point. I don't think I really went in depth about the love/symbiosis thing, mainly because it wasn't the topic, so let me clarify here. Love equals symbiosis, but symbiosis doesn't always equal love. Just like a square is a rectangle, but not all rectangles are squares. Love is a form of symbiosis, to be more precise, it is a form of emotional symbiosis. The love symbiosis is different from the symbiosis between a buyer and seller. Thank you one more time for the question, I'm glad I made that clear (I hope)