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Thursday, April 4, 2013

FAKE SYMPATHIZERS...

This isn't a blogpost for any grand purpose...Sometimes, you just gotta blog about whatever irks you, really.

The whole conversation started with how best to respond when a woman is crying. I'm of the school of thought that unless you had done something real and tangible that made her cry, its not necessary for you to do anything. If she's your girlfriend, maybe a glass of water, tissue and some privacy. Whatever it is, let her cry through it.
Others were like, thats insensitive, why would you let a woman cry? notice the choice of words, your "letting" them cry. Actually, though, you're not. They don't need your permission, and they don't always need your sympathy. Make sure they're okay, and then leave them well alone. The conversation led us beyond this though, to expand into the best way to show sympathy. And that led to subject of people who cry more than the bereaved in general. 

See, there are people that are so narcissistic, that they think everything is a statement about them or the kind of person they are. I know a friend that lost her father recently. Someone was inviting her for an event, and she texted them like "hey im sorry I can't be there this Wednesday, I lost my father recently and his funeral is on that day." u know, something pretty tame. A good response would go from "Aw, I didn't know, to My condolence, so sorry for your loss." But this grown fuck  man replied in all caps  "OH MY GOD, ARE YOU SERIOUS, I DIDN'T KNOW, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. WHAT HAPPENED? I AM SO SORRY. CALL ME ASAP. HOW ARE YOU FEELING?"
Sigh.
People do this all the time but Nigerians naturally are champions at it. She thought it was funny, and it really is.
the real funny part though was at the funeral. She was crying and people just circled her like a school of fish, each one justling to 'show support' and be the one to make her stop crying. One of them kept leaning in, and his breath smelled like jalapeno. Can't you respect her need to grieve her loss and savor her father's memory without echoes of your spicy breath ruining the moment?
One of them made a not so sublte pass at her, in the name of 'if you need someone to console you, here's my card.' see how nice guys get a bad rep? who are they fooling?

When someone is crying is not the best time for you to solidify your position as their 'best friend' you know. Or am I wrong?
"Oh I just want to help." "oh, Im just trying to be there for you."
No, thanks.
I feel like whenever someone cries, its something personal and deep. Best you can do is let them know that if they need you, you will be there. Then fade until you can actually say that they need you for sure.
I mean, am I wrong with this??

3 comments:

ShadeNonconformist said...

No you're right.

I totally agree..

elsieisy said...

No, you are right. Sometimes a sweet hug, a shoulder to lean on and sealed lips is all you can give

Tisha Smith said...

When you are not sure how to respond
Do whatever will make them know that you care.