Still looking for a Role Model?

So People who know me and and know something about football(soccer) know that my favorite player of all time is the Great Ryan Giggs. So I have been getting calls and twitter comments asking about how I feel about the recent news reports of him not being the model citizen everyone thought he was. Apparently the dude was not only cheating on his wife but he was also messing with his younger brother's wife for over 8 years. The guy was cheating on the person he was cheating with #BADGUY!!! People can get over the infidelity but the extra cheating with the brother's wife just made people turn the once role model into the scum of the earth.

My response to it, so??? I long since stopped looking up to people I have not ever met as role models. Just because they are famous or sucessful does not mean they are anything but human. If we look at ourselves we fail daily so why do we expect these stars to be superhuman. Have no faith in man because man will fail you. So if you are looking up to athletes or musicians or actors to show you how to live your life then be sure to be disappointed, again and again and again. Everyone has skeletons, the difference is how good we hide them. All have fallen and come short of the glory of God, not just normal people or poor people but ALL.

As a through and through Manchester United and Ryan Giggs fan: I say well if that was what he needed to do to be schooling guys half his age on the field, then go on Ryan do what you do. So my response to all those calls and tweets, is I did not become a fanatic for Ryan Giggs the individual, but for Ryan Giggs the football player. I can care less if he is married, I dont even care if he exists outside of those 90 minutes I am cheering him on. Even Ryan Giggs can not stop me from liking Ryan Giggs. He can go on a mass killing spree but nothing can take away that moment in the 99 FA cup semifinal replay, when Patrick Viera decided to pass the ball to him and he raped the Arsenal midfield and defense and scored that wonderful game winning goal and removed his shirt and showed his hairy chest while running around the field lol. That moment will always be burned in my mind.



No matter what he will retire a LEGEND, no matter what he will be labeled as one of the best club players EVER!!! The world is lucky that England had the stupid "Grandparent rule" (now changed) that barred him from playing for England. If not, 98 or 02 world cup might have been lifted by English hands.

Moral of the story: Do not put your faith in famous people because like you, they are human.

WHAT I WOULD TELL MY KIDS

So I've been MIA for a little bit, been busy with a whole host of things. I've been meaning to blog about this topic which concentrates on what I wish my parents would have told me as a child and what I've found out as an adult. I made up my mind that if I ever had kids, I would keep it real with them and tell them the truth about situations as much as possible. No lies.

1. First of all I would tell my kids that Life is severely complicated. Morality is not always black and white, there is a lot of gray in between. I would tell my kids that role models are human beings first and foremost and to never place tomuch faith in any man or woman, because human beings disappoint.

2. When it came to matters of religion, I would tell my kids that up until they turned 18 they would adhere to what ever religion was practiced at my household but once they turned 18 they would be free to pursue any religion they wished to pursue.

3. I would tell my kids about the concept of death and what it meant for the lives they intended to live. That Death is a permanent fixture in human life.

4. Concerning matters of the heart, I would tell my son that if he found a woman worth losing his self respect for, that would be the woman he should be with. And to my daughter, I would advice her that no man was worth losing her self respect for.

5. I would advice my kids to focus more on their character than on their reputations. A lot of nigerian parents focus more on the reputation of their kids than with their character, they are constantly processing things through the prism of how it would affect their family name. Most nigerian parents have figured that it is easier to have a bad conscience than to have a bad reputation. I would tell my kids to stay true to themselves no matter what and even when they made mistakes, they should still hold their heads high.

6. I would tell my kids that humility is a good trait but there is a bad kind of humility. There is a modesty that is based on what people think about you and that is the worst type of humility a person can have. Somepeople are modest because they realize it would be good for "appearances", when in their heart of hearts they have the ego of a giant. I would tell them to watch out for that kind of humility and only to display humility if it came from the heart.

7. I would warn my kids about the influence of "appearances" in the world. Things and people are not always what they seem/appear to be. Few people would rise to their esteem upon closer scrutiny. A lot of people are fooled by appearances and I would tell them to beware of falling for appearances.

8. Growing up as a Kid, everybody played that game in which we were all asked "what we wanted to be when we grew up"? At that time, we all gave answers to those questions with our hopes high and shit LOL. Our parents never told us about the sacrifices one would have to make in order to achieve those dreams, they never told us we might have to betray our friends/principles just to get that promotion or just to get in through the door. They never tell us we might have to tell a lie or two just to pad our resumes, they left those important details out.

9. I would tell my kids that human beings are extremely fickle. They'll love you today and turn against you tomorrow, they will fade with the wind so be careful putting their faith in the masses. They are easily easily swayed, so never be bothered when they don't hold you in high esteem, because one action on your part can sway them in the opposite direction.

10. I would encourage my kids to always work on improving their flaws but never run away from admitting them because of shame. I would tell my kids that "shame" is one of the main causes of human misery in this world. The things people will do just to avoid shame is actually shameful, no pun intended. Accept your flaws, embrace them and if they can be changed, change them, if not.. *shrugs*

11. I would instill in my kids the value of a sense of humor. They should never stop laughing even in times of sorrow and pain, laughter heals all.

12. I would tell my kids that the easiest thing in the world to do is to be you. The most difficult thing is to be what other people want you to be. Don't let anybody put you in a position where you can't be you.

I can only think of these twelve things for now, if I remember more I'll update the post. Please Share with me, what you would like to tell your own kids if and when you have yours.

Restitution

Definition of RESTITUTION

1: an act of restoring or a condition of being restored: as  

a : a restoration of something to its rightful owner  

b : a making good of or giving an equivalent for some injury

 

2: a legal action serving to cause restoration of a previous state 

 

 

 

 

There has to be some higher form of retribution. That can't be it. You can't tell me that after a life of murdering people, if a person prays 1 minute before he dies that God will forgive him and let him into heaven? #Stopit!! I like to believe if there is a God that he's certainly not that stupid. He can't be. What?? Doesn't he have to avenge the death of the harmed souls? Isn't that why they say "Leave vengeance for the Lord?"

You can't tell me that after a person kills my family, I leave him to go Scot free because I believe the Lord will avenge it and then I die and see him in Heaven enjoying the same things I'm enjoying. Don't play with my emotions like that.

Please, there has to be more to forgiveness than that. The only reason I'm writing this is because my cousin just had sex with this girl, kicked her out at 11.30 PM and proceeded to drive 5 minutes to a church for night vigil to get atonement for his sins before 12 am. Many people seem to have this same idea about the May 21st rapture scare.. This is why I believe that can't be it. That can't be all God requires to let people into heaven.

We all know I'm not Christian but I want to believe for you people who are Christian sake, that the God you serve is not stupid. There has to be more to it. 

I also don't want to believe that people who lie white lies like "I'm a natural blond" and coldblooded murderers are going to the same hell. Hell gats to have levels. This is my belief and opinion. If there is a hell, there gats to be levels. White liars gats to have air condition at least or hand fan. They can't receive the same punishment. It just can't be.

I'm just going to put this out there plain and simple if, and only IF all that is required for forgiveness is a one minute prayer and everyone goes to the same hell, then your God and religion is stupid. But that's a topic for another day isn't it? End of rant.

Vanity xx

I've missed you guys btw. Back one day and it feels great.
It's a beautiful day

Love and Other Drugs...

So a couple of weeks ago I came across this story about a man bathing his girlfriend with Acid. Apparently the man had been in a six year relationship with her and paid for her schooling from her 100 levels (guessing that is equivalent to freshman year) up until she finished. And of course apart from the college costs, he probaly gave her pocket money and other sums of cash for other "things". Well after 6 yrs and the girl getting her degree she decides to tell the guy that she was done with him. Well the guy did not take it lightly, he traveled from Enugu to Badagry, Lagos and poured acid on her. The guy said he was distraught after all the money he had spent on her and still said he would want to marry her even in her disfigured state.

Of course I totally disagree with what the guy did. Even though the girl basically used him for his money it gave him no right to do what he did. She didnt force him to spend all that money on her. When we do things for other people, they are in no obligation to repay us, it would be nice if they did but it is not a must. If you want something in return, draft a contract. I always laugh when people get in arguments with each other and someone starts listing all the things they did for the other person and how the other person did not reciprocate. My answer is always "Who sent you?". especially in a romantic relationship when people make sacrifices like give up friends, family, money, career plans etc. When the relationship fails and they start complaining my sentiment is "Who sent you?" When someone asks me for advice on a relationship decision, the first thing i say is that in a couple of years if the relationship fails just dont become bitter over the sacrifices you made. People make all sorts of irrational decisions because they are in love; when love fails, those irrational decisions get blamed on the other person. When you give dont expect that ish back.

Now as for the woman, I totally feel for her but I would be remissed if I didnt say there is some blame in her corner. Her actions in no way warranted the reaction she got from the guy but... You do not lead another human being on for 6 years while depleting him of his funds. Love is the most dangerous drug out there and people are at the most dangerous when their love has been taken for granted. When you allow a man to spend humongous amount of money on you like that, he will feel like he bought you and therefore owns you. That is basically how this guy acted. Females, do not let a man spend stupid amounts of money on you if you don't plan on marriage. Apart from it being unattractive to me, it avoids the dangerous concoction of love and money. These two drugs are dangerous on their own but when mixed, the synergistic effect is out of this world. We are all human, we all have emotions, thread lightly on them. You can not use someone and expect to go scot free, you do not know what someone is capapble of until they do it. Be careful! just because it is wrong does not mean someone will not do it when pushed, try not to push.

Stay Safe,
Realist

P.S. I am graduating from my undergraduate in approximately 14 hrs... YAY!!!

The story of the acid bathing incident can be found at http://newnigerianpolitics.com/2011/03/06/man-bathes-girlfriend-with-acid-pleads-frustration/?calendar=2011-02

A CHILD WAS BORN......

Suppose a child was born and for some absurd reason he wasn't raised or familiar with the religious notions that exist in the world today. For example, a child raised like Tarzan with no human contact LOL. Now suppose this child was ever in trouble and prayed to a supreme being to help him, which of these following supreme beings would hear his prayer? Allah? Jehovah? Krishna? Buddha? 

I and this girl were talking about religion and I happened to ask her a question. I asked her, "Why do you believe in the Christian God" as opposed to Allah? Krishna? Buddha etc? She said because when she prayed to him, he answered her. That struck me as absurd.  I then asked her, lets say you were not raised Christian and did not come from a Christian background and you had no affiliations whatsoever and you prayed to a supreme being and he answered your prayer, how would you know whether it was the Christian God or the Muslim God who answered you? How would you even know it was "one God" who answered you instead of "multiple Gods"? How would you even know it was God who answered you and not the Devil? 

My point is this, our backgrounds usually influence what our belief systems are. For example, I have an epiphany and I pray to God, the only God in my head that I would be familiar with would be the "Christian God" and so if that God happened to answer my prayer, I would automatically give praise to the Christian God because that is the only God I am familiar with as a result of my upbringing. 

Now if a Muslim went through the same thing, they would automatically give praise to Allah because that is the only God they were familiar with. Same goes for a buddhist, Hinduist etc. One usually wouldn't give praise for a miracle to a God one is unfamiliar with. 

The History Channel is of the Devil!!!

Its been a long long time! I have been going through some things, I might let you all know what I have been going through in subsequent blogposts... most likely I wont lol. When we last met I was talking about me giving up my quest for the truth and settling for happiness. Well that hasnt changed. I was doing so well with my new out look up until a week ago when (you guessed it) I tuned my tv to my former favorite station... The History Channel. If i got to hell, it will be because of the History Channel.

I never doubted the perfect nature of the bible until I watched a history channel episode on the origins of the bible. I never doubted the christian religion until I watched a history channel episode on the origins of religion. Well the new program that had me questioning after months of "peace" was one on Aliens. Yea Aliens!!! How the heck was I suppossed to know a show on Aliens would test my faith lol. So they talked about how the gods of the greeks and romans might actually have been aliens and not gods. We humans just called them gods because that was how we could explain them. Mount Olympus was not a mountain, it was a giant spaceship. Then they analyzed gods from other cultures around the world and showed how similar they were. Then they brought out Enoch from the bible and said he was an alien, and the chariots of fire that God took him to heaven in was actually a spacecraft. Then they started theorizing that maybe these aliens did experiments on us humans and thus aided us in our evolution. The Aliens were space travelers who came to earth for a while to teach us their knowledge and conduct a few experiments.

You might laugh at these assertions, as i did, but before i knew it my brain had started up. The idea is very plausible, almost as plausible as a God who created the world in 7 days. You might tell me to stop watching the Devil Channel if it endangers my faith, but what I value equal to happiness, is knowledge. And more and more it seems I cant have both.

Your Brother in Christ
Realist

P.S. By the way Lionel Messi is part of the Illuminatti. You heard it here first

A "COMEDY OF MANNERS"

There will be a lot of tangents in this post so as a reader, be forewarned LOL. 
A comedy of manners basically refers to the manners we "well bred" human beings display everyday in our lives which if examined thoroughly would be deemed absurd and ridiculous. 
Why for example, do we hesitate to take the last bit of chicken in the KFC bucket especially if others are around who might want that last piece of chicken? Lets say we order KFC for lunch and then everyone has taken a piece of chicken until there is one left, let us say I was the first one to finish my first piece of chicken and I see there is one left, why do I hesitate to take the last piece of chicken? Is it because I am scared that others might judge me selfish and self seeking? And so most times we see ourselves seeking consent before we take the last piece of chicken, we ask around and see if anybody wants the last piece (all the while praying that nobody says they want it) and when we are answered with a "no go ahead" we gleefully take the last piece of chicken. Again this is an example of the comedy of manners that we humans go through everyday. 


Now if we had not sought consent from everyone without taking that last piece of chicken, we would have been deemed selfish by others not because of our action, but because we showed no regard for their own "selfishness". Afterall, somebody else might have wanted that one piece of chicken and so therefore, by taking it we have robbed them off an opportunity to take that last piece of chicken. #comedyofmanners


Another example that I thought about goes like this.
Why is it that when we meet a celebrity for the first time, the first thing we concern ourselves with is determining whether they are humble or not? We say stuff like "oh Tuface was very humble, he is not proud at all". And in return, if the celebrity in question is well bred or was raised properly they themselves will be conscious of the "test" they are being put through and subsequently portray themselves to be as humble as humanly possible. This is all part of the comedy of manners we humans put ourselves through on a daily basis.  But why do we concern ourselves on whether celebrities show humility or not? Why does that concern us? Do you not see that it is due to the fact that if the celebrities show pride, it offends our senses. We are not mad because they are proud, we are mad because they show complete disregard for our own selfish pride. That is why we encourage modesty in modern society and that is why we want our celebrities to be humble. 


Lastly, I got into a debate about role models/heroes and how such men and women are cast as virtuous in modern society. I was of the opinion that no man completely practices virtue or is indeed virtuous. Every man has skeletons in his cupboard that he does not want to see the light of day, and as long as those skeletons exist, no man should be portrayed as virtuous. What makes society consider other men more virtuous than others is not due to the fact that those men are actually virtuous than others. Men such as Martin Luther King/Chris Okotie/Adegboye etc do not necessarily practice virtue and neither are they necessarily virtuous. Men like that do not necessarily conquer their vices as being virtuous requires, rather they artfully/skillfully "conceal" their vices. So it was my opinion that the difference between men like that and men like myself is their ability to "conceal" their vices to a very high extent. Afterall, "what can you ever truly know of other people's souls -- of their temptations, their opportunities, their struggles"? One can only truly know a man by what a man chooses to reveal to them. 

Do You Need To Respect A Person to Be Friends With them??

Okay, I know I once said a long time ago..that my friend was basically anyone I chilled with on a regular basis. Some folks on twitter felt that that was too cheap a definition, unworthy of this great calling known as friendship.

Well, tonight, on twitter this argument came up again in a new form: was it necessary to respect your friend, or is it possible to be friends with someone you dont respect. I said, sure. it was. Folks demanded I explain myself, insisting that friendship must come with mutual respect and stuff like that.

Well, lemme state it with all the precision in the world, I can be your friend and not respect you. For me, friendship is a social construct. All of us have the natural propensity to interact with people. Well, if am constantly interacting with you, hanging out, doing stuff together, then you are my friend. Nothing more. I have little demands of the friendship. I may, or may not respect you as an individual. And by respect, I mean, the esteem I hold of your person or character. I definitely cannot trust you. That is out of the picture, totally, complete. OUT. But you are still my friend, and that is not a paradox.

Think back to when you were kids. How did you make friends? That your childhood friend, that you can trust with your life today, how did you meet them? Chances are, you guys played together, or went to school, or did some kind of stuff together. There was no moral test, no character evaluation, no conditions, no demands, no contracts, no criterion. It was just a bunch of kids, doing stuff often, and gradually, you knew each other so well that you could as well be family. So where did we get this idea that friends are people who hold your back, who help you, who will always be there and be the best people for you?? Really? Well, thats not what I call friendship. If that was it, there would be no reason to seperate friends into best friends, brother from another mum, or such marks of status within frienships.

Like, and respect is not the same thing. I like my friends, even if I dont respect them. I had this friend back in Nigeria. He was a cool dude, we hung out together, partied, chased babes, and acted crazy together. Well, dude was a kleptomaniac. Anytime he came to my house, I lost something. I lost stuff, until I totally lost respect for him. But I still GENUINELY liked him. He was fun as hell, and spiced up everything we did when we went out. So of course, when he came I would secure my shit, but we would still live it up. I still call him now and then, from here. He never stopped being my friend, even when he had none of my respect. Another time, I had this dude that was our drivers weed supplier. I kid you not. I hung out with him once when we went to buy a load of weed my driver wanted to stockpile since we were going to the village, then police came there, and the guy drove us thru bunch of short cuts and we escaped. After that, he would come around sometimes, and just crack us all up with stories. We hung out a lot of times after that and he became a cool friend of mine. But I had no respect for him, I knew he couldnt be trusted, cos he was in an environment that encouraged and rewarded shadiness. But underneath the weed seller, the person was a cool dude. He showed me game centers where I would bring my game and we would make money beating folks. I never let him hold the money, I would insist I hold mine, he held his. I wasnt even an inch close to trusting him. But we were cool ass friends, no pretense. He tot I was a mama's boy, I tot he was a crook. But we got along fine, and that was okay.

If I dont have respect for them, it doesnt mean I will use them, or treat them unfairly. They are people and truth is, I try my darndest not to mistreat even strangers. So of course, am always going to accord them the basic human respect by not insulting them at will, or trying to act up on them. That part is not affected by a person's friendship with me or not, its what you get just because you are a person. And ironically that makes it easy for me to make friends with people. But truth is, I could totally think u suck at life, and ur a mess, and i cant trust you to pick your own nose. But if we spend time together, and you come across as amiable, social and fun, then call me a friend anytime and I will answer. Samuel, the son of one Buka seller in our neighbourhood will bear witness. Dude doesnt know shit, refuses to go to school, cant talk to a girl to save his life, does nothing constructive, but he sat around and sometimes tried to draw my attention whenever I passed. After knowing him for one year,I found him a likable fellow and we shared a few laughs and he'll blow the occasional match making I did for him. Still, I'd introduce him to anyone who saw us as my friend, and meant it. Between me and you, I have little respect for him. He is not a driven, capable, intelligent or passionate kind of person, the normal demographic I give respect to. I certainly have many of those kind as friends too. But he happened to have hung out with me, and I got to know him. And thats why we are friends.

Now, tell me..what do you think? Do you insist you friend be someone you respect and can trust, or not?

Wahala dey o...

I have a story to tell...
I will tell it, then analyse it then I shall accept comments on the matter.

What do you do when you know that the boyfriend/girlfriend of your friend is cheating on them? Do you
1. Go tell them
2. Keep it to yourself.

Some of your friends will advice you to go tell your friend, others will advice you to keep it to yourself. The reason I am bringing this up is because a friend of mine's bestfriend boyfriend hit her up and was talking in a trifling manner. Now the babe debated with herself on whether to tell her friend what happened afterall things of such nature must be handled delicately. Suffice it to say that the babe planned to tell her friend and before she could her friend told her that the "trifling boyfriend" had proposed to her. Can you imagine? So now the babe will now appear as a seriou bad belle if she should tell her friend that her boyfriend is trifling. Can you imagine?

So what is this babe supposed to do? Like forreal?
To tell her friend will most certainly bring her wahala because you do not take a Naija babe's happiness away and expect to walk out scot free. Some women put all their happiness upon one dude that they will refuse to hear any ill said about the guy. Some babes have to exhaust every possible excuse/benefit of the doubt/justification before they can believe that their partner is cheating on them. And don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with giving people the benefit of the doubt. The problem arises when the doubt turns into denial and that just becomes pathetic.

So what do you guys think?? Wetin babe go do? This one na very delicate matter and my advice is for her to bury the truth and keep on pushing..

Since we're all on that Peace and Faith ish...

Lemme make a post that outlines my personal article of faith. God knows its long overdue, people have been demanding that I come open on what my religious views really are. Somehow, they can't reconcile my philosophies with my claims of being a practicing Christian. Which is what I am anyway. I believe in God the father, the son and the Holy Spirit. I do. (4give me in advance if this post reads like a sermon.)

The Christianity that we question, that we can't reconcile with that part of us that believes in a higher truth is the Christianity that the world has fashioned unto itself. This is not what Christ left behind. Its not condemnation, and judgment and rules of behavior and fire and brimstone. All these things have their place, but men have given it the wrong place in the scheme of things. It is not what my faith hinges on.I am as much a questioner and rationalist as the next person. But in my heart of hearts, there is always peace. And that peace comes from my daily walk trying to understand the mind of Christ. To feel the power he felt, to see as he saw and live the life he lived. I cant always hold on to that place, but once in a while, momentarily I have held it in my consciousness. And that is the only reason I am a christian, because beyond church, beyond pastor said, beyond dogma and even the Bible, I have felt the true life of Christ. And believe me when I say that if you feel that even ONCE, everything about this world makes sense. The first thing I realised is that NO ONE can ever get it right, because none of us have the capacity to. So looking for that one man, that one sage who is actually living life as it should be is futile. Its not going to happen. Even the Bible is imperfect, it is God's mind expressed through human hands and tainted with human imperfection. Didn't the Israelites have scriptures all their lives and yet when Christ explained it they couldnt understand? When Christ left, he said I will send my spirit who will guide you into all truth. He didnt say the Bible will guide us into truth, or that anyone should even write the New testament. so quit listening to people say NT is better than Old, and ish. All of them make One scripture and all of them are imperfect. Only God's spirit can guide u into all truth. And I remember when I was full of inner turmoil, trying to reconcile the questions with the answers the Bible gave. And i found that scripture that said ..I will send my spirit who will guide u into all truth. He will explain my words that I have spoken and you will know the truth and it will set you free. Funny, but I prayed constantly for that spirit until I felt it in me. And I laugh when I realise, I have been at peace since then. I still question of course, because God made me that way. but I never have lost inner peace. For instance, many people cannot figure out why a loving God will condemn his own creation to eternal death while saving only a few. I wondered the same thing. Do you know the truth I was guided to? It was another question: if u were a musical composer, and you have made several different notes that you are hoping to assemble into one harmonious piece, what would you do to the errant notes? Humanity is one great harmonious piece that God composed for himself. His OWN enjoyment. No matter how much those musical notes may not like it, if they dont blend, they will get cut out of the piece. In our own self-centered thoughts, it may not be fair that we will suffer a fate like that. But the musicians doesnt compose notes to please those notes themselves. It is ultimately for his pleasure. And the Bible keeps saying this, that the earth and all creation were made for His pleasure. Its not about us.

I may have made sense, or I may not have. My religious views will fill a million bibles if i went on. Because you can never explain it all. Church can never explain it all. The Bible, or the Korna (which I also own), or any other holy book out there can never explain it all. Our understanding can never grasp it all. Only God can. And only Christ has felt the fullness of the mind of God. All the rest of us can do is hope that we stay connected to Christ like branches to trunk and accept the real peace he brings. If you want of course. Its always a choice.

So now no one can send me comments about how I refuse to come clear on my own religious views. I trust I was clear enough.