U guys talk say make i free Religion matter, so I come decide to delve into other matters that have been plaguing me recently.
Seriously I think it is my lot in life to have roommates who have one medical issue or the other. Not that I am complaining, but seriously why do I seem to always end up with the semi weird roommates. Let me begin by starting this story from the beginning.
Freshman Year - My roommate, God bless his heart was a cool dude or so I thought. I noticed that he took pills from time to time, when I asked him he told me that they were anti-depressant pills and sleeping pills. He was "oyinbo/white" so when he told me he took such pills I thought nothing of it. Afterall, everybody knows that oyinbo people will take any drug as long as it helps them alleviate that pain all of them seem unable to bear.
Anyhoo, all the roommates went out to Target (store in yankee) one day with the exception of moi, and during this outing my roomie told the other apartment mates that as a kid he had shot and killed his father. Meaning that when he was a lil one, somebody in the house left a gun lying around. My roommate who I shall refer to as Weirdo No 1. apparently discharged the weapon which killed the dad when the dad came to get the gun out of his hands I assume. So when my roommates, came back from the outing some of them approached me and told me about what Weirdo No 1 had said, me being me I laughed my head off thinking that it was all a joke, I kept on laughing until Weirdo No 1 worked into the room at which point I asked him(while still laughing) if what these roommates had said was true. He totally told me it was true and at which point I still did not believe him and kept on laughing till I realised that none of my other roommates where laughing at me and something went off in my head telling me that *hmm maybe this people might be serious o, and my yansh dey here dey laugh at the guy*. So i ehn stopped laughing and apparently they were all serious, so i apologised to roomie and from that moment on I locked my door when I went to sleep every night. I did not want any *Virginia Tech* shit happenng in my room and me being the only stupid person to have laughed would have definitely been first on the list for elimination Lwkmd.
Sophomore Year - I got roomed in with an Asian roommate and at first sight homie seemed cool, asians are always cool they never stress. They just read their books, play their video games and use their laptops with out stressing about nothing. Anywayz, first week back at school everything was coasting and I was beginning to think that my luck had started to change. Lo and Behold, the weekend arrived and my roommate went home, came back on Sunday with his dad. While helping my roomie unpack some of his stuff, his dad asked to speak to me privately(I thought he was going to tip me for helping his son unpack, seeing as that's what Africans sometimes do lol). But that was not the case, the dad called me aside and was like
Dad - "Do you know that my son suffers from seizures"
Controversy - No I was not aware of the fact that your beloved son suffers from seizures.
Dad - (calls his son and asks him) Why did you not tell your roommate that you suffered from seizures.
Controversy - (In my head am thinking, yeah fool why did you not tell me that you suffered from seizures? You would think that that would be the first thing a roommate would tell another roommate instead of waiting a week after school had started to let me know.)
Roommate - I forgot to tell him
Dad - Please he had a seizure last year at the movie theaters, and they called the ambulance and the bill came to $2000. Please if he ever has a seizure, do not call the ambulance, just roll him on his side and in an hour or two hours he will regain consciousness.
Controversy - Yes sir, I will roll him on his side.
Roommate - And please no matter what happens, even if am foaming do not put your fingers into my mouth to prop it open because my teeth will be clenched and I can bite your fingers off
Controversy - (In my head am like) If you know say dem born you well, just try first to bite my fingers off when am trying to help you during your seizure shit. Na coma you go find yourself in. Nonsense. My papa sent me to school to come and study Political Science so I can enter law school and become lawyer. My papa no send me to school to come and be any body's friggin baby sitter abi na nurse. See me see trouble o.
Anywayz the whole thing ended and the honeymoon of having a perfectly normal roommate for one week was over. *sigh*
This past weekend I put 50 dollars in my drawer on friday and come sunday when I was looking for the money I could not find it. I sincerely could not believe that a human being had stolen money from me? A whole me? Can you imagine the audacity? The guts of such a person? The last time person steal from me na back in boarding school for Lagos, Nigeria. To make matters worse, who was I to suppose to suspect of thievery? My asian roommates? Do Asians steal? Question: How do you accuse your roommate of stealing your money while saying it in a nice manner?
BY CONTROVERSY
