Marriage 2

My last post on marriage was mainly a brief look at the perspective of animal behavior and how the human specie differ and fail at it. But today, I’m going to focus 100% of my thesis on humans, no chimps, wolves, meerkats etc. So to begin, I’ll like to discuss about “love.” Some say “when a man and a woman fall have love for each other, they get married,” or “love brings us all together,” or “love is the answer to world peace” and yadi-yadi-ya. And they are all correct, but the shocking thing is if you ask these people what love means, they either give you a fairy tale answer or come up with bullshit wrapped up in warm emotions. Especially when you ask them what love means in marriage. So I’ll tell you what exactly love is (no bullshit attached), it’s symbiosis. Yes, symbiosis, you learned about this is in Biology: It’s the “scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” mode of survival, in other words, mutual-ism. That’s what love really is without the fairy tale bullshit. We can even use maths to prove it; (Substitutive property) if love = symbiosis, then “when a man and a woman have symbiosis for each other, they get married,” “symbiosis brings us all together,” “symbiosis is the answer to world peace.” Seems correct ehn? But I’m sure there are some people who still no gree, so make I break am down berra: love, this form of symbiosis, is mainly trading a physical and/or emotional want/need for another physical and/or emotional want/need. Think of anything you love/loved, if it never (directly or indirectly) met a need or made you feel good emotionally or physically, would you still love it? I’ll give you an example, I love the English footballer, Wayne Rooney simply because the guy is fantastic at what he does, but it wouldn’t be the case if he was just some junkie who lived in a trailer park like this commercial depicted: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLG6jh23yE. With that been said, let’s see how symbiosis affects marriages.

There are two fundamental factors that are necessary for marriage; sex and security. Now keep in mind I said they are the FUNDAMENTAL factors, not the ONLY factors, other factors such as respect, culture, religion and so forth play a role too. The reason why those other factors aren’t the fundamental factors is simply because someone who has sex with you and secures you under a roof is a better candidate for marriage than someone who’s from the same culture, practices the same religion and respects you. Now here’s where symbiosis plays a role, in a typical instance, the men are the security guards and the women are the sex symbols. The men see women as trophies to be won, that’s why it’s always the man who has to get the girl. Keep the emphasis on “won” and then remind yourself why it’s called “spittin’ game.” In order to win the babe, you must make her happy and safe, then everything else is a piece of cake. From a typical woman’s perspective, they want a strong and handsome lad to sweep them off their feet, yet feel secure in his arms. But fellas, don’t get it twisted, you can look like Boris Kodjoe, you can sweep her off her feet, give her the best lay she can imagine, but if you can’t secure her, you’re just a booty call not a potential husband. I was watching History Channel a couple of months back, and they had this interesting documentary about the difference between men and women. They conducted a survey where they took an individual portrait-like photos of three men. The first one was like a Reggie Bush type of guy, built like a running back and stunningly handsome, the next was a good looking guy, but not as good-looking as the first, and the last was an average looking guy. They showed random women in public these photos and asked them who “attracts them the most.” And of course, the results were as expected, the Reggie Bush type of guy came in first, good-looking guy second, and average Joe third. But then they flipped the switch, they made the best looking guy have a minimum wage income, the good looking guy have an average income, and the average Joe be a millionaire. And just like that, the results made a 180 degree turn, where the average Joe is #1, good looking guy remains at #2, and Reggie Bush type of guy #3. So you see it fellas? I ain’t saying women are golddiggers, but y’all aint messin’ with no broke niggas. This song right here is a hilarious illustration of this truth from the perspective of the broke nigga: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAV0XrbEwNc

On the woman’s side, she must prop herself up to be a good sex trophy for her man. That’s why she spends all that time fixing her nails and getting her hair did. Even the non-sexual things she should be good all have to do with sex. For example, she must be smart, so she can give good head; she must cook well, so he eat her out; she must also be a good cleaning maid, so one day he can return the favor by cleaning her pipes. That’s why when a man’s got a good sex trophy, he brags to his friends “yeah, I’m hittin’ that ass,” and when he doesn’t, he says alone to himself “I can do better, I know I can do better.” So ladies definitely know the value of their vaginas and sex, and often hold use it for negotiating purposes, like women who only have sex when they get married. Unfortunately, there is a downside to that, and where’s a parable that depicts it’s negativity:

Mary Anne was a staunch christian, she was beyond born again; she was born thrice. But the thing is the Lord blessed her with the gift of sexiness. 5’5”, endowed upper and lower body, like Kanye West said “she got an ass that would swallow up a G-string, and up top, umm, two beast things,” and to put the icing on the cake, her face was better than anything Michelangelo could sculpt. Even at church, when she sat upfront, the pastor could feel the holy ghost power striking his pants. With the looks she has, many men have dated and tried to make it to her “promise land” but she left them in the desert. Her ideology was simple: “if my finger doesn’t enter your ring, your penis isn’t entering my 'promise land.'” So most men gave up, except for this one guy, who dated her but never asked for sex. She decided to marry him, and on their honeymoon, when she wanted to make him feel like the luckiest man alive, she pulled down his shokoto to find absolutely nothing there. He had a penectomy, that's why he never asked her for sex. Now due to her born thrice beliefs, she can neither have sex outside marriage nor divorce him. She used to have boys fighting over who can hit that, but now the only sex she can get is from a dickless nigga. Happy married life, Mary.

Well ladies, the lesson is simple, have sex before marriage, it reduces your chances of marrying a dickless nigga. With that I conclude, now we know how the symbiosis of sex and security are the backbone of every marriage, in my next post, Marriage 3, I’ll show you how culture plays a role in marriage. If you notice, I used the word “typically” a lot in this blog, and that’s for those of you who would use one instant out of a million to argue. Just like men typically have deep voices and women typically don’t have chest hair, I’m sure you can always bring examples that prove otherwise. Anyways, peace out.