WHO IS YOUR CONFIDANTE??

So, finals are over and I am on break. So this means that I have time to blog and do things of that nature LOL.
On this fine fine night I find myself waxing in the glory of my thoughts. I just realised that I Azazel have never truly opened up to anybody. Not my parents, not my friends, cousins, priest etc. And most of my friends and I will admit, 80% of my friends are female in nature. And hence my closest confidante's are female.
A confidante by the way is a woman to whom secrets or private matters are disclosed.

Now it got me wondering, whether there are others like me out there who feel the same. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that I have never shared a secret or two with a friend. Everyone of us I assume has that one person in their life that they feel they can be open with 100% (I assume??) And if that is the case, is it not natural to sometimes share some of your deepest secrets with 'said friend/confidante'?

It struck me that I honestly do not have a confidante or friend who I feel comfortable enough sharing all my thoughts with. And I won't use that cliche of 'oh it's because I don't trust anybody' because even though that may be true. It bothers me that for every one time I tell somebody a semi-secret I tell it to them knowing fully well that I can weather the storm if they decide to betray me and tell others what I told them in secret.

I don't know if yall get what I am saying. Basically, anytime I confide in somebody, I do not confide in them fully, even when it seems like I am being forthright or being frank, I am never truly frank or forthright I just let the person/people involved think I am being forthright.

Seeing as the name of this blog is 'Truth Don Die', it is safe to say that a lot of 'truths' have died in me LOL.
I have this one quote I say to myself everytime I find myself not fully confiding in somebody.
It goes like this:

"The man who cannot endure to have his errors and shortcomings brought to the surface and made known, but tries to hide it, is unfit to walk the highway of truth".

Yes I tell people that I seek truth, yet I know deep down within me that I am unfit to walk the highway of truth.
Hence why every 'bio' I have in all my social networks state "Azazel is a liar who always tells the truth".
At least people won't say they were not warned.

Just Another Rant

I actually wrote this on May 27th... I just never posted it. I didnt read through it but i am sure i still feel the same way just that now, i am more at peace with what i was ranting about... lol Here goes ...

This is just a rant, no hidden agenda, no me trying to act like i know better than anyone, this is what i feel most comfortable with. All i got is questions, few answers, and if we are real with ourselves that is all we have. One of My favorite books is The Count of Monte Cristo. At the end Edmond Dantes(the greatest man to ever live...lol) says this quote "Until the day when God shall deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is summed up in these two words, —'Wait and hope'." The author Alexandre Dumas writes exactly what i feel, we really do not know anything, all it is is a wait game to see if we were right, and some of our wisdom turns to folly, (the earth is flat, the earth is the center of the universe) and some of our wisdom is really hope (prime example is religion, all it is is hope that we chose the one). But where i deviate from Dumas is, what if there is no "god" to reveal it? What if there is really nothing to reveal, what if Life is just a random event based on no laws or design... on to the rant...

Mehn there has to be an afterlife... this short life can not be it. I REFUSE!!! There has to be something more. If you really look at it, life is soo short, i closed my eyes twice and i am 22, soon i will have a family and kids. Soon after that i will be old man and die. Thats if i dont just drop and die. I find it hard that this is just it. What about those kids that die at 1 yr, is that it for them? They dont get a chance to come back and try to live longer. I understand the body fading, but what about the essence, the soul, that just cant be a one and done, how can it just fade? We dont get to come back? Then i wonder what if this is not my first time here? Who was i in my past life? Did i have the same personality? Was i Nigerian? Or maybe i was Napoleon. That could explain why out of all the historical figures i like him the best, plus we have the same birthday. Was i a girl? or maybe i was a cow?
All these are just a few questions i have, and i think some of y'all might have the same questions. It seems like that is what life is... a bunch of questions few answers. I thought that when i was grown up, i would have all the answers. Now i realise that when adults used to answer me with "it just is", or "it is because i say so". It is because they like me had no idea why "it was so". Its so funny the more we know, the more we find out how little we know. All i know is that life is too short, and i wasted 20 yrs of it, i have only been enjoying it for 2 yrs, and it makes me regret all that time i wasted trying to be anything other than "Realist". I want a re-do.
If there is no after life then what is the meaning of our existence? Maybe the meaning of life is that there is no meaning, all we are are numbers in the population, nothing more, a lot less. Accepting this is harsh, but i can fool myself into believeing that this is not a possibility. What i could do is form some kind of meaning of life, which makes me feel good and useful...

I guess this is how religions start.

VISION OF AMADIOHA

This is a vision from Amadioha concerning events that are to be occurring soon. I, the Messiah was in my room meditating on several ideas in the spirit on the Lord‘s day - Thursday (the day of Thor, the white Amadioha). Suddenly, a thunderous noise came from behind me, I turned to see what it was, and what I saw next gripped me with so much fear, I almost used the bathroom (number 1 and 2). I saw perhaps the darkest cloud ever imagined and on top of it was a huge (and by huge I mean god-like huge) black man. His appearance was alien to me; his skin was darker than Wande Coal, yet his eyes were whiter than Wole Soyinka’s hair. The veins on his arms weren’t veins, they were lightning bolts. And on his neck was a huge native necklace made out of 32 beads, each the size of the moon. The site looked like something out of Kanye West’s “Power” music video but multiplied by 100 million. I got so scared I passed out, only to be awaken and brought forth to Amadioha in the arms of two beautiful and bodacious flying women wearing wrappers (I later on discovered that these women are Ogbanjes - angels in Amadioha’s heaven). As I was in His presence, Amadioha clenched his fist and placed it in front of his mouth as if He was going to cough on it, when suddenly a loud thunder clapped. The Ogbanje at my right explained to me that Amadioha is only clearing his throat, and every time thunder claps that’s what He’s doing. Right about now, I was reminded how similar my vision was to biblical visions, and as He cleared His throat, I was expecting Him to speak to me in Old English (thou art, thine be etc) but to my surprise He spoke in pidgin. He said “My pikin, make you no fear no be you I wan punish, but I get sometin I wan tell you.” His voice was so deep and loud that it had a bass to it, in fact so much bass that every time He spoke, the ground below me was shaken by a level 2.5 earthquake. He continued, “Everything wey I tell you for dis vision, write am down for your blog, and make them wey get eye, read; and them wey get ear, hear wetin I go yarn. My pikin, I don vex, your people your Nigerian people don abandon me. The other day, I stop by on the land wey I dey rule upon before, and you no go believe wetin I dey hear and see. The same land wey them dey use do shrine to worship me with, they don use am build church to worship another god.” As He was speaking, it was obvious He was getting angry talking about it, because the earthquake went from 2.5 to 4.0. “Na inside that church them dey sing ‘the God that answereth by fire He will be my God.’ Them dey craze? Them no know say, I dey answer with lightning their God dey answer with fire. Abeg tell me which one dey faster and more effective, lightning or fire?” I humbly answered “Lightning.” He replied, “Ehen nwa ‘m, why your people no get enough sense to recognize say I sabi pass the God them dey worship. In fact, that one no vex me, but the one I go tell you right now vex me to the max: I dey hear them singing, ‘Jesus na you be oga, every other god na so so yeye,’ na eem I come vex. Almost one century ago, every time they wan swear using my name fear go catch am, now them dey call me yeye with confidence. Chai!” To say He was disappointed was an understatement, he was furious. “But no worry,” he continued, “I done already curse them with bad government, and e be like say they don forget say I be the God of natural electricity, so it go make sense why I curse them with NEPA. But e be like say that one no do, them want more, so I go show you wetin I go do if they no start worshipping me again.”

Immediately, I was transferred to a different scene. There were five Ogbanjes with five calabashes (calabashes is the plural of calabash right?), and one extra Ogbanje that was to give the five the signal to beat their calabash. The extra Ogbanje sent the signal causing the first Ogbanje to beat her calabash. All the few Amadioha worshippers were raptured into heaven to enjoy eternal bliss, and those left behind were to suffer in the hands of an angry God. The second calabash was beaten , Amadioha spat into the Atlantic ocean, but unlike human spit, it wasn’t saliva that came out, it was a comet. As soon as the comet landed, a violent storm took hold of the ocean causing it to shoot out a weird creature into a Lagos beach. The creature was very strange in appearance, for it looked like a whale but somehow it also resembled an octopus. I asked one of the Ogbanjes what this creature was and she told me it was a seapork. The seapork landed onshore and seduced the people nearby to eat out of it. They did, and they enjoyed it, only to be struck with a disease months afterwards. And instead of seeking Amadioha’s mercy, they prayed to Jesus. The third Ogbanje beat her calabash, and Nigerians were struck with an ugly and unnatural accent, whereby they said “wars” instead of “was,” “Yelz” instead of “yes” etc. The fourth Ogbanje hit her calabash, and for the next 50 years Nigeria saw no progress in the government and the well-being of the citizens. As population skyrocketed in the country, so did malnutrition and poverty, and they rebuked the devil for something he didn’t do instead of ask for Amadioha’s mercy. The fifth and last Ogbanje beat her calabash, and there was silence in the heavens and on earth, suddenly a huge cloud resided over Nigeria, and this cloud blocked sunlight in the country for 16 years. The heavenly NEPA decided to take light in Nigeria. The inhabitants of Nigeria will search for light be will not find it, they will be isolated in total darkness and still out of ignorance, prayed to the wrong God. Amadioha then told me, “These and worse go happen to your people, unless them open up their eyes and worship the God of their forefathers, I now command you, Messiah, make you go warn your people about this wrath that will bestow upon them. If them get eyes make them read, if they get ears make them hear. I done talk my own.”

My people, you have read (hopefully you have) what will happen if we don’t g back to our roots, and believe in a god that our forefathers accepted as thee god. Let us stop the curse of bad government and NEPA in our people’s lives. Let us stop thinking that a Jewish or Arab god is better than our native god(s). If you’ve been touched by this vision, I want you to know that there is a solution. Give your heart back to your roots and accept Amadioha as your god, your Lord and your savior. If that’s your case, I want you to say this as a swear to Amadioha:


Amadioha, I have been deceived to think that foreign gods are better than you. I’ve been looking for the one true god in all the wrong places, when all I had to do was look home. Like the saying goes, “What you’re looking for in Sokoto is inside your shokoto.” I swear by you Amadioha to accept you as my personal lord and savior, and I will follow you and heed your warnings . I will spread the warning and the good news about you oh lord. In Amadioha’s name I swear. Amen.

Congratulations, you are now a follower of Amadioha. Embrace your new lifestyle with passion and share the good news with friends and family. Also, like many natives gods, Amadioha likes a little sacrifice, so part of your fellowship with Amadioha would include giving up 15% of your income to Him. Amadioha only takes cash, so please make sure all funds are paid in currency to me. Thank you and Amadioha bless.

Help me Jesus

Disclaimer: This post is not based on the views of all the writers of this blog but on the sole thoughts of Vanity. These are not hard proven fact just thoughts.

Sometimes it's hard not to fall back into routines. Sometimes it's hard not to say "Help me Jesus" or "Blood of Jesus" or "Jesus" or do the sign of the cross even when I don't believe in him. I know way too much to believe that he exists or even if he existed I know way too much to believe that he is the savior of the world. I know those sayings mean/do nothing. They're about as effective as standing in a mirror and chanting "I'm pretty" because if you're ugly chanting isn't gonna help shit no matter what the self help books say.

But I was raised Christian for about 2/3 of my life, sometimes I find myself slipping into the comfortable glove of ignorance Christianity provides. I would say no offense at this point because I really didn't mean offense but that would be pointless because my last sentence is offensive.

Once in a while I go to church because it is truly refreshing to walk into a place and sit for 2 hours where everybody blindly believes. Positivity and faith is usually the only things in the air at most churches and after the hustle and trauma in everyday life that kind of atmosphere is therapeutic.

It's the same reason I loved being a nanny. Children are so positive and upbeat and trusting and stupidly innocent. I'm rambling. Point is, it's very easy sometimes to let yourself go to a place where things were simpler. When you were ten,your hymen was intact, sex & vagina were dirty words, cigarettes meant you were a heathen, you didn't know 10 different words for weed and Jesus existed.

Sometimes I let my mind go to that time and place and I say "Help me Jesus". It feels good for a moment to let the imaginary friend carry all my burdens. Until I realize, he doesn't exist, he can't help me and I'm going to have to do this shit on my own.

Sigh. I'm having a religious vent. I apologize. Anyways I'm writing a not so flattering piece on Islam. I've typed some of it on here but the rest is in my phone. The only thing stopping me from posting it is that I have a thing for a guy who's Islamic. He reads this blog and will be offended. I think I'm going to post it anyhow as soon as I get my balls back.

If suddenly after I post the piece I disappear, I have been bombed people! Ok that was a joke but apart from losing the guy I'm lowkey afraid that that one of them will find me. They don't play.

Btw if anybody gets the divine idea to preach to me in the comments, shit is gonna get live.

I hate "Good Guys"

I hate "good guys"/"nice guys". You know the guys who always say "girls dont like good guys, they always want the bad ones". The ones that tell sob stories and want you to cry for them. It is like their goal to get a girl is to make them feel pity on them and date them. ANNOYING!!! like really so what that you are a guy that does the right thing or treats women respectfully or gets straight A's and other stuff good guys do? DO you want an award? You want us to organize trophy for you? You are doing what you are supposed to be doing, no one owes you any congratulations, you should be happy you are doing it for yourself.

Just because you are a "good guy" doesnt mean you should leave the house like you are color blind. At least have some style, take care of your appearance because if your appearance is not up to par, no girl will be interested long enough to see what a good guy you are. We are visual creatures, most of the time the first thing that catches our attention are visual. Have something other than being a "nice guy" going for you.

Get some confidence!!! the worst thing ever is seeing someone with no confidence, feeling all sorry for themselves. People like being around people that make them happy, and nothing is more saddening that someone with no self esteem. I mean you cant be a guy with no self esteem, it is a very bad combo. A girl with no self esteem will still get play, but not a guy.

Find something that is attractive about yourself... be funny, hit the gym,... or if all else fails get rich, that solves everything...lol

I dont even know why this kind of guys piss me off. One of my favorite sayings is "We hate in others what we hate about ourselves". Lol i think it slightly applies here. I have always hated when people said "Realist is a 'good guy'" Or when parents told their children to be more like "Realist the good boy". I never wanted ot be one of those lame people. But in essence i am just that, but i refuse to be pitiful...lol I ran accross one of these "good guys" today and inspired me to write this semi-rant.

Africans and Homophobia--Make the Change

If you know me, then you know I used to be a homophobe. I knew a couple of queer people in boarding school and being at a stage when we usually ganged up, or walked in groups, it was relatively easy to absorb prejudices against gay people. I mean we didnt single gay people out, walking in gang just made you egalitarian with your prejudice: we hated on people that wore rubber sandals and people that didnt want to be lawyers, doctors or engineers or people that had the misfortune of being in the bottom in the bottom half of the class. I digress, all i want to point out was that being in a clique often made it easy to hate on the outsiders.

As I grew as a person though, and matured into thinking for myself (and might I add, after I had left school so no risk of a random gay dude butt-raping me, but thats my vestigial homophobia speaking lol ), I started evaluating these attitudes I had, to understand why I held them. Why didnt I like to be around gays, even though I had nothing against them? And I found out...nothing.

There was no reason whatsoever. (Oh yea, i mean concrete reasons, paranoia doesnt count.)

The prejudice i had against them was just that: a prejudice. Does the bible condemn it? Maybe, maybe not. If we condemn everything Scripture said was wrong, Jesus would have wacked the shit outta the adulterous woman. He had every right to, I mean, he was as sinless as they come. But he didnt. Cos he was giving us a model: humanity trumps morality. What you think is right or wrong should not get in the way of the respect we have for ourselves as people. And while I cannot claim to understand them completely, gay people, are first and foremost, people. Not a subset, like society wants us to believe. There is no such thing as a subset of people.No one has figured out people. People will be people: we cant be understood. We are all fallen trying to reach back to the vision of perfection : gay, straight, trans, all races, all classes, all religions.

If we want to criticise people on moral grounds, be equally moral for all gender expressions and sexual orientations. This is one area where Africa, is unfortunately, still too clingy towards its past. People justify their bias by saying , homosexuality is not in our culture. Well it is now! C'mon son! Neither was cinema, clubbing, facebook, flying in planes, Christianity, Islam, democratic politics and gin and juice but they're all part of it now. (And by accepting it wanst part of our culture, I dont say it didnt exist, but it wasnt engaged in by a significant portion of the people, or openly enough to be registered as part of their reality.) But today homosexuals are seeking expression. We subject them to a life where they have to be brave to be who they are, all bcos we cant let the past go? So will you be the wife of Lot that will stare back at visions lost? or will you welcome a new African culture, a blend of the past, present and near future? All Im saying is, times have changed. Arent you all the ones going on about change? If Greece had held on to 'culture and tradition' they would have died as city-states instead of emerging as a unified country that launched a global culture. If America held on to tradition, black people would still be slaves or worse yet, they would still be allegiant to the British crown. If people held on to every single tradition, our modern age would never have arisen gaddamit! We cannot hold on to a culture that glorifies dehumanisation, or continue to live in denial of the reality of our times. There are parts of our culture that deserve being held on to, our arts, our history, our language, our dress, our sense of worth and value and work ethic, our spirit of tolerance. People are all too quick to sweep these under the carpet, but when it comes to homosexuality, we suddenly become African ambassadors. Never mind the fact that some of these people we hate have done more to promote African culture and keep it alive than some of us have.

I guess all Im saying is, we need to join the rest of the world in the new age. Lets bring our African flair into it, and let us not, in the new global culture be known as the continent of homophobes. Let people see the hospitality, tolerance and communal bond we are known for. Change is inevitable. Maybe we were a dogmatic society in the past. But new information and new realities demand a new orientation.Instead of finding justification to hate in your religion, find justification to love. Thats what most religions are about. Thats what humans are about. But if you choose to be stuck in a state of mind that is judgmental or tries to make people into what they are not, then you need to answer some questions. First of which is: Are you God?

THE MEN WHO PLAY GOD

I am sure some of you at least once in your life have come across somebody who made the statement "Man should never play God."

For me, I came across that statement last night in class when we were talking about Stem Cell research and Cloning of other human beings etc. Some of the people in the class argued that they were against both stem cell research and clonings because they think that 'human beings' should not play God. We should not mess with what God has created or made natural.

Their argument struck me as completely absurd for these various reasons. Right now in the world, we have processed foods, foods that are made artificially for example fruits, tomatoes etc. They are able to be made without being grown and that's just one instance. Not to talk about the other instances where Doctors play God by saving human life through science and technology.

One of the other arguments some people in the class made was that if we cloned ourselves, it might lead to the over population of the world and disrupt the natural balance. Plus the science gained from stem cell research could figure out a way to stop people from aging and that would mean that people lived way longer than they should. Their argument again struck me as odd because they were arguing that supporting that kind of science would be nothing short of human beings playing God. I then asked them if they realised that human beings had  been 'playing God' way before any of us were born? In the natural world, if you get sick or you contact natural diseases those diseases are a way of nature to root out the weak and keep the strong. It's also a natural way to balance the earth population, but human beings decided to invent drugs and medicine which would cure us from those natural diseases in essence making us live longer.

If those drugs did not exist, the only respite we as human beings would have as  a cure is to pray to God and hope he answers us just like they did in the days of the bible. If God no answer your prayer, na to die be that. So when they say 'we human beings are playing God' then they should realise that in order to stop playing as God we need to get rid of all the scientific advances that have been made in order to enable we humans to be more effect.

The other aspect of this that I found bemusing was the fact that the very same people who say "Human Beings should not play God" are the very same people who credit God with the advances made by doctors, scientists etc. Sometimes when you ask people if you believe in God and not science why do you not only pray to God when your sick and let him heal you, why do you go to the doctor. Some people will respond with, how do you know it's not God working through the doctors?

My point is, if then it is God working through the doctors, scientists etc. Then the breakthroughs made in the medical and science profession are obviously of God's doing abi? So cloning and stem cell research are obviously approved by God.

I will define what stem cell research is for those who may not know what it is
Stem Cell Research - Stem cell research is a developing technology that focuses on using undifferentiated cells therapeutically to treat human disease and injury. Stem cells are primitive or unspecialized cells that can assist in tissue repair and rejuvenation. When they divide, stem cells have the potential to become any type of cell needed, such as brain, blood or muscle cells.

Basically the cells when separated can become any type of cell and they can be used to cure people with diseases such as cancer etc. The controversy behind it is that the cells are gotten from human embryos and so there is this whole argument as to whether a human embryo is a human being or not. That is the ethical issue lol